Husband left and hasn't called in 9 days

by Lisa
(Baltimore MD)

The question


My husband moved out last Monday. Said he wanted to be alone to work out his issues. Tired of my jealousy and lack of trust. He has been out drinking with the guys from work a lot lately. Doesn't want to spend any time with me.

He went out an got a BMW in October that the payment is more than our apartment rent each month. When he left Monday he said he would call me that night but he didn't and hasn't. I did get a text message from him on Wednesday morning saying good morning honey did you move? The other texts he sent have been about money - very short and no emotion at all. Not once has he asked how I am.

Tonight I called his cellphone but he didn't answer. I love my husband very much and want to save our marriage. I don't know what to do though. The mixed advice family and friends give you can be quite upsetting.

The last time we spoke before he left he said he just wanted a separation not a divorce just some time apart for us to calm down and fix the issues we have.

My husband did text me "his new address" but it's actually his married friend's house. I remember when I asked him about his new address he kept saying I would be coming by all the time and we would be fighting and never get any time apart to fix our problems.

He is on the lease for my new apartment and is paying some of my expenses, and I feel as though that is the least he can do considering he left me.

So how should I proceed with my husband to be able to save our marriage and help him through this crisis?

Noel's response

I don't know that you can help your husband through this crisis, but you might honour his request for some time alone. Nine days may seem long right now, but in the grand scheme of your life, and it is not long at all.

It sounds from your comments that you and he do have some issues in your marriage that you need to resolve. When he comes back, it would probably be a good idea for you to go to marriage counselling.

Comments for Husband left and hasn't called in 9 days

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Aug 15, 2011
In the same boat
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel. I got mad at the way my Husband was acting at our daughter's birthday and after the party he took off to hang out with friends instead of spending time with our family. It was hard to put my daughter to bed with her asking were dadda was. By the way I am 4 months pregnant so of course I do get upset easily. He finally came home in the middle of the night smelling of beer.

The next morning before I woke up he took some cloths and left a note saying he was sorry and a terrible husband and father. I sent him a text to come talk with me and visit his daughter but he wont. He says he will talk with me when I am not so emotional. I am pregnant and will probably be emotional for a while. I am now on the fence thinking about what to do. I would love for him to come home but at the end of the day the fact that he wouldn't even come visit his daughter lets me know whats the point.

I don't know what to do either but hope and pray that whatever happens it's for the best. I hope everything works out for you. Remember that at a certain point you have to think about what's best for you and letting go may not be a bad thing in the long run.

Jan 30, 2011
husband left 9 days ago
by: Lisa

Actually he didn't tell his family or real friends. His family lives in Turkey and his best friend is in Toronto. I have spoken to his family but didn't tell them that he had left me.

I have spoken to his best friend who had no idea that my husband was leaving. He has tried to talk to my husband and few times but he doesn't get any answer.

The people he is around now are people he works with some of them are married christian couples and the others are singles. Just keep praying for GOD to work with us through this difficult time. Just feel so lost and hurt. I want more than anything to save my marriage.

Jan 30, 2011
Husband left 9 days ago
by: Anonymous

Don't listen to your family-they probably will not understand and just hate him for what he just did to you. He is dead inside and does not even realize the pain the is causing you. If he is at a friends house I don't think that will last very long but he might find his own place--his man cave-to hide in from everyone. Get your own bank accounts and get your money. They will spend it.

Marriage counseling will not work either. Once he is gone nothing will work until, maybe, they figure out what they have done a long time in the future. He is in his own world and will not take advice from anyone. He has probably told his friends and family lies and he will be deceitful.

Try to be strong and make sure you eat as much as you can. Weight loss is common among us woman at this point in time due to stress.

Hold onto your hat. This journey you are both on now will not be over soon. I wish for you it would be though.

Sending many hugs for you, NWF

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