Husband left and hasn't called in 9 days

by Lisa
(Baltimore MD)

The question

My husband moved out last Monday. Said he wanted to be alone to work out his issues. Tired of my jealousy and lack of trust. He has been out drinking with the guys from work a lot lately. Doesn't want to spend any time with me.

He went out an got a BMW in October that the payment is more than our apartment rent each month. When he left Monday he said he would call me that night but he didn't and hasn't. I did get a text message from him on Wednesday morning saying good morning honey did you move? The other texts he sent have been about money - very short and no emotion at all. Not once has he asked how I am.

Tonight I called his cellphone but he didn't answer. I love my husband very much and want to save our marriage. I don't know what to do though. The mixed advice family and friends give you can be quite upsetting.

The last time we spoke before he left he said he just wanted a separation not a divorce just some time apart for us to calm down and fix the issues we have.

My husband did text me "his new address" but it's actually his married friend's house. I remember when I asked him about his new address he kept saying I would be coming by all the time and we would be fighting and never get any time apart to fix our problems.

He is on the lease for my new apartment and is paying some of my expenses, and I feel as though that is the least he can do considering he left me.

So how should I proceed with my husband to be able to save our marriage and help him through this crisis?

Noel's response

I don't know that you can help your husband through this crisis, but you might honour his request for some time alone. Nine days may seem long right now, but in the grand scheme of your life, and it is not long at all.

It sounds from your comments that you and he do have some issues in your marriage that you need to resolve. When he comes back, it would probably be a good idea for you to go to marriage counselling.