Husband thinks he is bisexual or gay at age 60

The Question


My husband has had issues with sexual orientation for most of his life and a therapist said that he is gay. Now he doesn't know what to do.

He says he still wants to have a sexual relationship with me and deal with his gay side with porn and masturbation. What do you think I should do?

Noel's response

Not being a marriage counsellor, I don't know that I have much to offer. I suppose you need to look at your entire marriage, not just the sexual aspect, in order to figure it out. Many gay or bi-sexual men and women live in functioning marriages, often with their spouses not knowing their sexual orientation.

I my experience, the sex drive begins to diminish significantly after about age 50 in both men and women, although men's sex drive is usually stronger than women's at that age. After menopause, women often lose their desire for sex altogether, although they can respond to their husbands as needed. Perhaps in your case sex is less important than it used to be.

My suggestion is you go to a marriage counsellor to get help in figuring out what to do.

Comments for Husband thinks he is bisexual or gay at age 60

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May 24, 2011
Accept and support him
by: Frank

Accept him and his effort to maintain a sexual relationship with you. You have a long life together and you shouldn't just abandon it. I am gay and tried to be married three times and would give anything to be with a supporting woman.

If you and he can talk about his desire for men openly and share some of the joy of noticing good looking guys I am sure he would be very grateful

Nov 24, 2010
gay at 60
by: Anonymous

My husband experienced homosexual sex before we were married and once after we were married. He says that he enjoyed it.

He has seen a therapist for awhile. In fact, it was the therapist who said he was between a 4 and a 5 on the Kinsey scale and that he should think about having a gay relationship after we split up.

we have been married for 36 years and he doesn't want to end our relationship but then at the same time the therapist is telling him to be honest with himself.

Noel's comment
He might think about seeing a different therapist. It sounds to me as though being honest with himself is telling him he does not want to end your marriage.

You must also be honest with yourself in the same regard.

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