husbands midlife crisis

by Joyce
(michigan)

I'm not sure if my husband is going through midlife crisis or not. he is cheating with a much younger girl with children. he states she understands him . he loves me but is not in love with me. when I tell him I am leaving he gets mad, and says that the marriage didn't work I am being mean. he does not kiss or hugg me, but at times wants sex with me.he feels i am not being considerate of our granddaughter who lives with us. he is in his late fifties. I have asked him to leave and be with his new girlfriend but he won't. I think his girl friend has had only one relationship. that was abusive. it's like he thinks he needs to save her. I want to save my marriage but do I then move out. if it is a crisis will i drive him away instead of being supportive. I can't rush his crisis if that is what is happening. how do I know he states he wants her to be with him the rest of his life. but also wants his family. I think she wants him because he is established. should I talk to him about this or about his girlfriend. please help, as I don't know should i stay or should I go?


Noel's response

He may well be going through a midlife transition, as what you describe seems typical.

I suggest you set some boundaries around his and your behaviour. As long as he is having and affair with the other woman, you should not have sex with him. If he says he wants to stay married to you, you should insist that you both go to marriage counseling. You might also insist that if he wants to continue the affair with the other woman he move out of your house.

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