I am a 40 year old man, and am Confused and Concerned

Im a 40 year old man, who has had several life changing situations.. Loss of Job, major surgery, and feeling like i am stuck in my life. Last 3 years i have been feeling my mind is pulling me apart. I have been married for 11 years, wonderful woman we had our last of two kids 6 years ago, and now i am wondering what else is out there.. My entire life i have always wondered what If? She now works full time, but the kids always come first. I seen my Dr. he put me on meds but, is this all life has to offer? I was so defined by my Career for 14 years and acquired things during that time and i think that it made the voided feelings go away.. Recently i have a met a young lady who has caught my attention. We relate on so many issues and can talk.. Never any sex. Just able to relate is this the beginning of something wonderful or a disaster waiting to happen? I dont want to hurt my wife, but at this time in my life i love her, but no so sure i am in love anymore.


We talk but she is in that mother state now.. friends tell me to just hang on it will change in a few years but, i am dying inside everyday. So if there is a magic answer im all ears..

Noel's response

It sounds to me as though you are in what Daniel Levinson in his book 'The Seasons of a Man's Life'
calls the 'age forty transition'. I recommend you read Levinson's book.

You mention that your focus on your career, and acquiring things made the 'voided feelings go away'. One thing about having goals, for example career goals and/or acquisition goals, is that when you have achieved them there can be a sense of loss and/or emptiness. One must set more goals, but not necessarily more goals of more acquisition. What is important now is that you establish a life mission for yourself. You can find information about how to do that on this website under the 'Your life mission' tab. I also recommend the New Warrior Adventure Training put on by the ManKind Project. One of the outcomes of this weekend training is a life mission.
My book "A Harley Or My Wife" may be useful to you as well.
There is much more to come in your life. As with all things, this current state of confusion will pass. I recommend you not get involved sexually with the woman you mentioned, as she is not the answer to you life questions, even though you may be strongly attracted to her.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Share Your Story.