I am a gay man aged 53. I am finding it very difficult to just come to terms with my age and the difficulties it brings in general and specifically in relation to my sexual orientation.

by John
(Cork, Ireland)


Where do middle-aged gay men go?


I don't want to be one of those who seemingly vanish into thin air - never to be heard of again.
I am still interested in sex but more interested in having a significant other or even a friend of my own age (53 years) with whom I could, among other things, discuss the whole ageing process and ways to deal with it.
My self-confidence is almost at zero and my self-consciousness even more acute that at any prior time in my life. At a time when I should actually be caring a whole lot less about how others see me I am more concerned than ever before about what others think about me.

I am unhappy in my job - a job I once LOVED intensely - and am thinking of resigning.

I am being treated for depression and anxiety - which I didn't suffer from since my teenage years.
I feel like I am not living - merely existing. I want to get back my sense of self-worth and live a full life again.

Please can you give me any guidance?

Noel's response

I don't know that I can help much except to suggest you read the other men's stories on this site (you will find many similarities with your situation, and how they got through them), as well as telling you (it might not be much consolation right now) that this too shall pass.

I went through a very similar passage in my early fifties as well, and it did eventually end.

I a couple of books you might find useful are 'Balancing Heaven and Earth' by Robert Johnson, 'The Way of Transition' by William Bridges, and 'Crossing the Soul's River' by William O. Roberts Jr.

Comments for I am a gay man aged 53. I am finding it very difficult to just come to terms with my age and the difficulties it brings in general and specifically in relation to my sexual orientation.

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 19, 2014
Re: Gay may aged 53
by: Peter

Hi John,

Try reading also - Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife.

I'm going through a difficult period of transition myself.
Peter

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.