I am a lonely single woman 42. A married Man 52 is flirting with me. What do I do?

by Janice
(Illinois)

I am concerned about a budding attraction I have to a married man, who is 52. I work at a store and he comes in once in a while, but from the first time I saw him, there was an instant connection. I am 42 and single, but instantly noted the ring on his finger. I tried not to think about it, but he continues to come in and every time, we get a little closer with the flirting. I am very attracted to him and I know he is to me as well. Why is he doing this and what does he want? I am not a home wrecker. He seems to come from a stable life, several grown successful boys and a wife who works in the school system. He is a retired officer in the police system and works with the political system in his county. Why would he want to endanger his comfy life? I am lonely and really find him appealing so I don't know if I can say I won't act on it.


Noel's response

My suggestion is that even if he invites you to have an affair with him you do not act on it. Almost for certain it will cause everyone great pain.

Chances are he is going through an 'age 50 transition', and is looking outside himself (at you and possibly other younger women) for what can only be found inside. At his age, a man's 'inner feminine' is rising, and often men unconsciously externalize it (seek out younger women) rather than go through the inner transition.

What often happens is they end up in an affair, perhaps get divorced and either end up living with, or marrying the woman they had the affair with, and then have second thoughts (i.e. they get through their transition), and the second marriage hit rough water. The divorce rate for second marriage is higher than for first marriages.

I understand the 'instant connection' phenomenon, but that is usually because there is a 'subconscious dance' always going on between people, and when someone 'lights your board' it is likely because a subconscious part of you recognizes a pattern (a way of walking, speaking, etc.) from your childhood. In your case most likely from your father, or some other significant man in your life.

Keep your eyes open for a single man that lights your board :-)

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