I am a woman thinking about an affair and I don't know what to do!

by L
(US)

The Question


I love my husband, he is wonderful. He is my best friend and he dotes on me. I enjoy our sex although certainly life has taken its toll on the excitement.

Unfortunately I also relate with you male mid-life crisis points.

I am 45 years old and I am still attractive. My hubby has put on weight, but honestly I really don't think that is the problem.

I have never cheated on him but for the past couple of years I have found myself attracted to other men. Especially if they show an interest in me.

Recently, I was on a girls weekend and I almost had an affair. Apparently he was going through a mid-life crisis too as we kept talking to each other for a while. It wasn't going to ever work out because of the distances involved, but I was surprised by the level of my attraction (sexually).

I want to stop thinking about doing what I know I shouldn't but I don't know how. Please tell me how to stop my raging hormone before I mess up my wonderful life.

Noel's response

About the only thing I can recommend is that you get some counselling to help you work through your psychological desire to have an affair. When this happens to a man, it is usually a projection onto a woman (often younger and/or more attractive than his mate) who represents the 'Helen' (i.e. Helen of Troy - beautiful, desirable) archetype inside himself. I imagine it is the same with women.

You mention that the sex with your hsuband is not as exciting as it used to be, which is another giveaway regarding your possible projection of sexual excitement onto other men. It is possible that some marriage counselling to help you work through any small annoyances and resentments you have with each other will also pump up the sexual excitement in your marriage.

It may also be a subconscious fear of aging, and perhaps losing your libido, so wanting to have as much sexual action as possible before that happens.

I hasten to add I am not a psychologist, so this is just a guess based on experience with other men, and observation on my part.

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