I know I have it, (MC) but does she knows she has it?

by MV
(Val)

Hello, I am 48, she is 45, have been married for 15 years, together for 23. We have 2 wonderful sons (9 and 11). For some months now, I have been wondering myself what is it all about. I don't like anything, don't like my job, don't know what to do, which career to change, feeling depressed and lost.

Reading your page and, yes, I agree I am in the middle of MC. I want to know what is next, what to do, I am making plans for the future, my way out of these feelings.

But also my wife is becoming unbearable. Keeps on yelling at us for anything, keeps on mumbling about her life (she is a dentist), doesn't like anything at home, etc.. I am tired, busting off my butt but she doesn't care, trying to help her at home, but end up only listening to criticism and questionings about me.

Sex life sucks, looks like she does it for the looks. Looks like she has something going on, but does not accept to listen that she needs help (as well as me, but at least I accepted the fact and the situation and want to do something about it).

My kids become nervous and anxious when she yells, they have many friends coming from divorced parents and you can see them sad, but situation is becoming unbearable. I can't tell her to look for help, she just doesn't accept it and turns aggressive.

What should I do? I even trying to make future plans WITHOUT her, only my kids and I. I care about her but she just hates me. And, by the way, I have been faithful since before we got married, and I won't accept it from her, if it were true.

Noel's response

You are fortunate to at least recognize you are in a midlife transition. Hang in there, maybe try some of the life goal setting exercises on my Life Mission page, and trust that this too shall pass.

As for your wife, I am not sure what to suggest. She is a little young for menopause, unless she has had a hysterectomy, although her symptoms do sound a lot like a woman in menopause.

If she refuses to talk and won't go for counseling, you either have to decide to stay and hope she comes out of it, or follow up on your plans for you and the kids living together without her.