I loved him and let him go, now he wants back?

by Sonja
(New Mexico)

He is 47 years old and in debt. Our children are raised and in college. He had been unhappy for a long time, with everything not just me. but I really bugged him. He was my only boyfriend and lover. I had been telling him go.. He was so unhappy. but he wouldn't do it. he just stayed around and run away. Finally, I said, let me go or love me. We decided on divorce. I have been healing and getting on with my life.. Friends, sports, new job in my profession, and the boys come home frequently from college.


My ex-husband has kept contact and just tried to stay in my life, which makes the healing and moving forward for all of us hard. I told him it would be better if we only made contact via e-mail. He still calls and he has talked about being lonely and wanting to come home.. What is up with that? I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, I myself am midlife and I want to enjoy the last half of my life.. not be the butt of another's unhappiness. I love him dearly, but just have no idea what to do. My life is great, fun, and fulfilling.

I know I will meet a man to share my life with in the future. I have no idea what is going through his mind, he is a stranger, unhappy, and no fun. HELP!!! and Thanks

Noel's response

I think you are already helping yourself.

You are divorced. You have every right to only want to communicate with him about your children's needs (when they involve the two of you), and not about other things in your lives.

You do not need to look after him, unless you choose to. And you are probably right in that you will find a partner who you will enjoy spending the second half of your life with, especially if you see a psychologist for a while in order to look at what it was that attracted you to your husband to start with, so you do not get into a relationship with another man like him.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.