I never was loved by as a child how do I deal with it?
Born july 1963 /given for adoption 1964
never new father/mother
my marrage has ended
I am in this world alone.Noel's Answer
Yours is a sad story, but not unique. Many have been given up for adoption, and never knew their birth parents.
My wife Elizabeth, who is a psychologist and has had many clients who have given babies up for adoption, says every one of them thinks about the baby they gave up daily. Most mothers are happy to be reunited with the child they gave up, but of course there are some exceptions.
Are there any agencies in Barbados that help either a child who was given up for adoption, or a parent who gave up a child, look for each other? You could phone your social services department to find out who arranges for adoptions in Barbados, and talk to them.
Whether you find your birth mother or not, I highly recommend you try counselling with a qualified professional such as a licensed pyschologist, as it will help you process the hurt and anger about your situation, get re-balanced, and move on. It has been many years since I was in Barbados, but I know there are psychologists there.
You might also find some help here: Psychological Issues Faced by Adopted Children and Adults
There is also a link on this site where you can talk to an online psychologist, but it is not free.
What are your spiritual practices? I have found that during times of struggle (and we all have them), having a relationship with a Higher Power can be very helpful. (I find it helps me keep an even keel all the time, but especially when I am struggling.) You might try attending a church, or a 12-step group (I don't know whether there are any for adults who were given up for adoption, but there are many other kinds).
You might also take a self-esteem workshop.
The main thing is to take some kind of action to move on, as no one can live your life but you.