I she a midlife crisis girlfriend?

by Belle

The Question


I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We had a long distance relationship. Though we lived far away, we were part of each other's lives every day - phone calls, text messages, computer chats. We saw each other at least once a month, if not more. When we did spend time together it was for prolonged periods of time - never shorter than 4 days together - the longest being 3 weeks together.

We are extremely compatible. Had many mutual friends. Had many laughs and good times. He is divorced with one child. I made plans to move closer to where he lives. We decided that I would get my own place and not move in together right away. 5 weeks before the big move he sent me an "it's not you, it's me" email. He went on to say what an amazing person I am and that he just doesn't know where he is in his life.

Just a few weeks prior to this email he came into some money and was talking about buying a motorcycle, needing to lose weight, dying the gray in his hair. He also clearly said that there was no other woman and that he loves me and did not want to lose me forever and this is why he had to end things.

I have come to find out that he actually met another, younger, girl who likes to go to bars and drink and party and he is spending all his time with her. However, when we talk he always says he loves me and he has said, on more than one occasion, he does see a future for us.

Is this a mid-life crisis girlfriend he has? Is this even a mid-life crisis? I do love him and I just don't know how to react to all of this. I love him deeply and want our relationship to work but my heart is breaking that he is with this other girl and I don't know if he will come back? Is this girl a passing fancy? They really have very little in common other than she is right there, right now to give him attention and a great going out to party pal with him.

Noel's response

You did not say how old your boyfriend is, but it does sound like pretty typical midlife crisis behaviour.

The new girl may be a midlife crisis girlfriend, and it may blow over in a while, and he may come back. In the meantime, you need to figure out how much of this you are willing to put up with, and let him know.

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May 28, 2010
His Age
by: Belle

He just turned 41. I was very much a part of his life. Family functions, etc. I also became very close to his child.

Every time he contacts me he ends with "I love you". He made a comment the other night about believing we are soulmates but that he can't figure out where he is in is life and doesn't know what is going on in his head and that he hopes he can work through it.

He refuses to call this new girl his girlfriend though he spends all his time with her. He has not introduced her to his family, his child nor any of our mutual friends. They have "nightlife" in common.

They go out to eat and drink and that is about it. It seems to all revolve around bars and a totally different group of friends than he had before. It's like he went from enjoying a stable go out occasionally lifestyle to a must be out drinking at the bars every night.

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