I want a holiday, he doesn't want to go, and doesn't want me to either

The Question


This is the second year of husband's MLC though it likely started earlier.

After 30+ years of marriage, he says he loves me, but is not in love with me. If it wasn't for his fear of being alone when he gets older I think he'd be gone.

He says he wants freedom. I have been trying to reconnect. He says he's trying too but can't find his way back and that it isn't working. I'll keep trying as long as I can.

I am planning to take a short European vacation for the 1st time, which I always thought we'd take together, but he doesn't want to go, which I've come to grips with. Now, since he doesn't want to go, he doesn't seem agreeable to my going either.

My question is, from your experience with MLC, am I likely to make things worse by going on this trip without him, or is it better to go, and let him know I love and want him but that I'm trying to give him his space while I try to keep moving forward as we had always planned?

I'd appreciate your feedback.

Noel's answer

I would let him know you love him, and go on the trip. Tell him you cannot just put your life on hold while you wait to see what he decides to do.

I doubt you will make the situation worse because after all, how much worse could you make it? And you DO have your own life to live.

For a second opinion, watch the movie 'Shirley Valentine'.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.