I'm male, 43. My partner left about a year ago. She said she still loves me. She came back a week ago, but now no contact..

by Crispin
(Doncaster,England)

The Question


I can't cope with life at all, even getting out of bed. Got no friends to talk to.

When my partner left she never gave any reason. When she came and stayed with me everything was good. We talked about the past, we had a laugh. It was her birthday yesterday and we had planned to spend it together, but I haven't heard from her.

I've felt like I'm not good enough for anyone let alone her. Now I've no interest in anything. I don't want to out of bed, and I've started drinking to go back to sleep.

My father died 4 years ago. He was the only family member who understood me. I just feel useless and ugly and basically a waste of space.

Noel's response

I can only suggest two things:


  • Start seeing a therapist (psychologist or psychiatrist) to deal with your negative feelings about yourself. Your 'feeling ugly and useless and a waste of space' is simply a story you are telling yourself. A therapist can help you change your story by helping you see the magnificent parts of yourself you can't see now. A therapist can also help you deal with your grief regarding your father dying, which I suspect you have not totally dealt with.


  • If you are drinking when you know you shouldn't, you have a drinking problem, and you will find wonderful help to not only stop drinking, but change your life so you no longer 'need' to drink at Alcoholics Anonymous.



  • And one more thing: I recommend you take the New Warrior Training Adventure. It will also help you change your life for the better. Here is a link for the United Kingdom.

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