is he going through a midlife crisis and will he come back

by Geri
(pa )

I think my husband (37) is going through a mid life crisis. We have been married 13 years and he told me six weeks ago he wanted a seperation. He told me he loved me but not in love with me that he wanted to explore to see what was out there. We had just helped my best freind into our rental place,which is connected to our house, he started sleeping on her couch and now sleeps in her bed. We have six kids together and she has three. He told me he wanted to see where this went with her. He has come to me for sex but then backs down, I think because he don't want to give me false hope. He texts me everyday just to see how my day is going. He comes over to cover the kids up every night. He says they have not been intimate. Will he ever come back? Does he still have feelings for me?

Comments for is he going through a midlife crisis and will he come back

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Dec 31, 2016
Midlife crisis
by: T

I too went through the bomb drop. Said he loved me but not enough wanted to be single after 27 years and two teenage boys together. Turns out he didn't want to be single had already met the ow week before. Moved in with her two weeks after I threw him out. 6 months down the line I've had letter wanting divorce he got engaged to her. Live their lifes on facebook. Like to call it casebook now. Karma will come.

Dec 09, 2016
is he going through a midlife crisis....?
by: NWF

Dear Geri, He is pushing your boundaries to see how much he can get away with. Stop it now! If he wants a separation, he is in for a huge surprise; it will not come cheap for him. LOL..I hope he makes a lot of money for the support and alimony he will have to pay...mortgage too. Your best friend will be paying for him to survive after that and if I were you, I would also ask the court to have him pay for your attorney. Separations also include child visitation and he will not be able to tuck the kids in at night. I would talk to a 'Family' lawyer (first visit usually free) and find out your rights now. I would also get your own credit cards, bank accounts, and get all of your paperwork in order (collect birth certs and copies of any assets/stocks/IRS's/401K's) in a special place that only you know about.

Boundaries are not to hurt him directly but to protect you and your honor and dignity. I would stop answering all the texts and tell him that you are not his friend while he is sleeping with another woman... and when he wants to act like your husband, perhaps then you will continue contact. Contact would entail business discussions and discussions about your kids...nothing else.

You have not said whether he was acting strangely for a long time before this occurred; was he withdrawn from you and the kids (going to bed early and alone with very little conversation with the family), changing his appearance, spending time away from you and the kids, or more/less sex than usual. There are usually signs when you reflect on the past of a changing relationship. Either way, he is trying to see how much he can get away with and he will do it all unless you put your foot down. Beware, he will not like that you do that and may run further away. If he stops, he was not in crisis mode. Google 'men in midlife crisis' and read the signs and actions they take.

Hugs, NWF

Dec 08, 2016
Best friend?
by: Anonymous

How much of a best friend can she be to allow this to happen to you? Maybe you need to cut your ties with both of them.
Sorry for your pain. Hope it all works out for the best.

Dec 07, 2016
is he going through a midlife crisis and will he come back
by: NWF

Hello, I am sorry to read your story. I would think that this woman is not your best friend if she lets him stay there and sleep with her. And, you can bet that they are not just sleeping! I would tell her to get out of your apartment immediately and remove that easy temptation, infatuation. If he then goes with her, you have a very hard situation to deal with but it will not be right under your nose and in plain sight of your children. You must lay down the law, put boundaries in place, so that he knows you will not put up with that. Do not go along with it and sweep it under the rug. It is wrong for him to do this and he needs to hear it from you now! He will not respect you if you don't put boundaries in place. You may not see that right now but you will in the future.

Hugs for you, NWF

Dec 06, 2016

by: Noel

Dear Geri,

It sounds as though he could be in a midlife transition.

For him to be sleeping in your best friend's bed, and yet say they have not been intimate sounds pretty improbable to me!

There is no way to know whether he will come back, so I suggest you get on with your life as best you can. I also suggest that you not have sex with him even if he wants to. He is sleeping with your best friend, why give him two sources of sex?

Read some of the many other questions on this blog from women in the essentially the same situation as you are. Perhaps you will find more help there.

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