Is he going thru a mid life crisis??

My husband of 18 years has filed for divorce and is having an affair. It all started the summer of 2010(not the affair but everything else). He was in the hospital due to heart problems that he has, he was determined that he was not going to come home and that he was dying. He asked me bring things to the hospital so he could write letters to the kids and I. I did this and he came home about a week later. He let me read the letters and he told everyone that he loved them including me. About a month after he came home he became very depressed, he would not get out of bed. I called the dr for him and he was put on several medications for severe depression. After he started the medication he was truly a dream husband. He stopped the medication after a few months and everything stayed the same, then he very gradually started changing. He first went on an extreme diet, only protein shakes and lost 100 pounds, he then went out and bought a motorcycle and was going out with his brother every weekend for long rides, he also started changing his appearance, from business attire to leather chaps and jackets, he just recently got his first tattoo. About 7 months ago he told me wanted a divorce, that he's not happy (we did have issues but I never thought for one second that he would ever file for divorce). He started spending more and more time away from home, and is now spending almost every weekend away and 2 or 3 days during the week. He does not spend any time with our kids, he barely talks to them when he is home, but spends all of his time with her and her kids doing the things we used to do together, it hurts so so bad. He is seeing his ex. When he is at home, he is either in bed with his phone attached to his hand or on the computer. He just recently lost his job and just a few days ago he was out with her and was in an accident and totaled his truck. I just see his life spiraling out of control and I so desperately want to help him, I love him and would do anything to have MY husband back. I have tried to get him to go to marriage counseling or even just his dr to try to help him but hes saying that there is nothing wrong and I cant do anything, that he is finally do the things he needs to do to live his life right. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.


Noel's response

I don't know that there is much you can do for him, but I suggest you decide what you need to do for yourself.
I sounds as though he is mainly spending time at his girl friend's house, but you still allow him to come home to stay whenever he wants. I suggest you set some boundaries with him in this regard. You might want to get some counseling for yourself to help figure out how to manage this situation.

I also suggest that you not give him money, and protect your assets, now that he is unemployed and has wrecked his truck, as it would be very easy for him to go through any money you have jointly and you will be left with nothing.

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