Is he in midlife crisis?

by sharon
(UK)

We have been married nearly 21 years,its always been pretty rocky but we got thru it. Im 11 years older than him,hes nearly 42. Hes American and Im British and we live here in the UK.

Since new year he has become very distant from me,doesn't spend time with me, no love making (2 years ago was last time) hes hardly in the house. Either at work or goes to the gym and runs on the beach, this is more than he used too, he ACTS like a single man and is starting to go out with his friends more. I refuse to write a letter saying Im throwing him out and I will NOT divorce him either. Hes lost loads of weight and haS BEEN BUYING CLOTHES, hes very angry and says he hates me and he is LEAVING me. But not telling the kids, who are 17,18 and 14, he is just going to get up and go he told my friend. (he cant control his temper around me.)I am always accusing him of cheating on me and my friend told me he said he was fed up with me phoning and accusing him. So how can I deal with someone who is angry? Im on antidepressants.
Are these signs of midlife crisis? (the way hes acting).

Noel's response

He may be in a midlife transition, which sounds as though it could be turning into a crisis. Anger/irritability are very common in men in a transition.
However, it may also be that your 21 years of rocky marriage is coming to a head in his mind, and he doesn't want to continue.
It doesn't sound as though the present situation is very rewarding for either of you.
If he is willing to go to counseling to help you talk about what the situation is, it might help. Otherwise, it might be best to prepare yourself for when he leaves.

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