is it a midlife crisis?

Hi, my 39 yr old bf of 1 year has decided to end our relationship, well it was 4 months ago now, i am still trying to make sense of it all...i have to be honest here, we met while he was still living in the marital home, we met online, he told me he was married but he was no longer in love with his wife, he hadn't been in a long time, he said he had told her this and they were staying together for the kids.


He had been with his wife 12 yrs, married 4 of those, he said he married her as he thought it was the right thing to do after the 2nd child came along...

Well anyway...we had been together 7 months before he made the decision to finally move out, i waited for him through this.. i must say it was incredibly difficult for me in this time but anyway he did it, it was something he wanted to do before i was even in the picture, i suppose i gave him the strength to do it...he got a little 1 bedroom apart just round the corner so he could go see the kids and put them to bed at night like he had always done (they never knew about daddy n mummy splitting up)

Then 5 months later he ended the relationship with me, we had had a few problems near the end but nothing to break up over, he told me in the end he had screwed up big time and done everything the wrong way round, he just couldn't cope with everything, we have had a little light contact since the split as i am trying to keep some sort of communication going, i love him and i want him in my life, we had a lovely relationship. It's all come as a shock as i know he loves me, he's said it himself, he just can't deal with the relationship.

From speaking to him on the phone he has told me that he is changing his job, he said that he got that position when his marriage was going wrong so he's never been into it, he's moving into a new bigger place in march, so the kids have a room. His friend has just moved to Dubai, also a lot of his friends have good job positions etc.. my ex is a manager but he said he hates his job and is unhappy in it... i don't know whether i'm reading more in to this but to me it seems there are signs of MLC?

I just don't know where to go from here.. do i just give up on this man, or do i arrange a meet to talk to him, to let him know i understand what he is going through right now with all the pressures? and i will let him go and do what he needs to do, do you think this could be MLC?

Also i should add, that no one on his side ever knew about our relationship as it just wasn't the right time for it to be out in the open.. he needed to deal with everything else first. He had mentioned he'd told a couple friends..but i'm not sure how true that was!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

And please no ripping me apart for my part in the affair, i am not proud of myself, i got burned :s

loulou x

Noel's response

He may well be in a midlife transition. I suggest you move on with your life.

Many women have hooked up with men who were not happy in their marriages, only to have the relationship end after a while.

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