Is it mid-life crisis or is it just me that he hates

My partner of 14yrs he is now 40yrs old has walked out several times, but 3 yrs ago he came home from work, crying said he had been sick at work, didn't know what he wanted anymore, if he loved me or not etc.


We lived together for 6 mths. I was treading on eggshells, everything i did or said was wrong, he found faults with my friends, we had a argument one day and he left.

after 2-3 wks after i txt him he comes back, says he does love me, doesn't want to split family up, loves what we have, i have a 23 yr old son and we have 2 kids together 12, 7. But he has not been himself for 3 yrs, he nitpicks, blames me, says i need to change,he is verbally abusive and he seems angry at trivial things.

Last November he started a row, got abusive pushed me and called me names, because i pushed him away for self defense as i thought he was going to hit me. I got long nails i scratched him, he went to the police, he said to frighten me, again after 2-3 wks he moved back in when i was at work, said all the nice things again, and we can start afresh, we went to relate twice after that he said we don't need to go we can't afford it and i know i shdnt call u names.

I tried everything to please him he had a list of things for me, but 5 mths down the line, after a weeks holiday with the kids, he says we shd split up, out of the blue, said me trying wasn't good enough, i am so confused and upset, he has now moved out, this time he saw a solicitor which he has never b4, i feel this is definitely the end, but what did i do wrong?

i feel for the last 3yrs he has been going thru a mid-life crisis, he hated tattoos but 3 yrs ago had 2 done! he blames me for the breakdown of our relationship. I'm not perfect i have my faults, but my ex-partner is a stranger to me, was it something i did/did not do or say or is it him? wld love some feedback.

Noel's response

He may be in a midlife crisis, but it looks to me as though he is also an abuser. His pattern of being abusive, even getting physical, then sometime later being extra nice and making up is a typical abusive pattern.

I suggest you read Jed Diamond's book: "The Irritable Male Syndrome" and "Mr. Mean", both available at Amazon, or you can order through a local book store.

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