Is mid life crisis a medical condition or simply a cop-out or excuse for bad decisions??

My husband of 12 years decided that he was not very happy. He had trouble holding down a job for a few years and then found one but had an hour long commute. He decided the commute was too much so he moved to another city.


At first, he told me that we'd do this for awhile and spend weekends together. I could not move because I had a very good job for 15 years and had three kids to raise. His job was new and there was no guarantee how long it would last.

About 3 months later, he lost his job but didn't want to move home because he decided he needed 'more space' and told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore. He did not want to spend any time together and said he didn't want to work on our marriage at this time. He still swore there would be no other woman.

Things continued to get worse. He was living a new bachelor life with no job, only employment insurance. He partied and hung out with a different crowd. He no longer associated with any of his old friends. He didnt spend much time with our children and did not help out financially at all.

About a year after he moved I was still standing by our vows waiting for him to come to his senses when I found out that he had a girlfriend (he says they just began dating then) and possibly other flings during the year-long break.

He broke up with his girlfriend about 6 months later and now (almost two years since he moved) has decided that he made a mistake. He claims he loves me unconditionally and wants me back. He is stating that all of his decisions, choices and actions over the past two yrs were due to a midlife crisis. He claims that he was not thinking clearly and actually does not remember a lot of the things that went on (memory loss due to MLC & drug use?).

So, after all that, is it possible that he really was not in his 'right mind' and unaware of the bad decisions he was making OR is that simply an excuse he is trying to use because he now realizes that the grass wasn't greener????

Is midlife crisis a medical condition or an excuse??

Noel's reponse

Some doctors say it is a medical condition and others say it is not.

Traditionally, both men and women go through various transitions during their lives. For some it is merely a change, for others it is a crisis. Daniel Levinson, in his book "Seasons of a man's life" says that we go through transitions about every then years, and if a man does not make one transition well, the next one may well be a crisis.

In your husband's case, I can't tell you whether he is using a MLC as an excuse, but I do know a number of men who left their wives during their midlife transition, and went back later. These men have told me later that it was as though they were not themselves, and looking back, couldn't understand why they would have done what they did.

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