is my ex going through a midlife crisis

by kate
(united kingdom)

The Question\


I had been seeing my ex partner for two and half years. We were engaged after 2 years, planning on selling our houses and planning a future with children even though we have children from previous relationships.

He is 41 and one day said that he wants to be on his own and that he doesn't want to see anyone else and just wants to come and go as he pleases and do whatever he wants to do without anyone to answer to. He did this in our relationship anyway as I never stopped him from doing anything at all.

His life revolves around work, football and going out. He has started to drink more than what he ever did when we were together. He has told me he still loves me and misses me and wishes our split had never happened but still insists on being on his own. He has also asked me to be friends which I'm not sure I can handle, as he has made me really ill with what's happened, and I love him so much. He said it would bother him if we didn't remain friends. It has just confused me.

I can't understand after a happy relationship where we never argued, that he would choose to be on his own at the age of 41. He also has said he's not sleeping and he wakes up every hour and is wide awake at 6.30am every morning, and has done so since we split up. He has also lost a lot of weight. He has even started to send me text messages when it suits him. Surely he can't be happy.

Would you say this is a midlife crisis or could it just be the way he is. I have tried everything to get him back but he won't even give me the chance. I haven't done anything to hurt him or betray him in our relationship and did all I could for him. He has a friend who is 48 years old and who did the same to a friend of mine, saying he doesn't know what he wants.

Noel's response

It could be a midlife crisis, but he might just be a 'child-man' who doesn't want to face any real responsibility in his life. Chances are if you married him, you would eventually find it very burdensome being married to a boy in a man's body.

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