Is my husband going through a mid-life crisis?Is he going to leave me?

The Question

My husband and I have been together for 12+ years. We have always been inseparable,truly enjoying one another's company and very loving with each other. He is kind,loving, tolerant, positive and a patient man. He has a great sense of humour as well.

He turned 46 a few months ago, but for the last year he has become very distant and intolerant of me. He doesn't want to talk or share any feelings with me anymore. When he does finally open up he lashes out at me and says the reason that he doesn't say anything is because of me getting upset by what he says.

I have tried everything I can think of to have him understand that he always blames me for why he acts the way he does. He won't work on our marriage because he says that all we will do is argue. Sex has become maybe once a month. He has trouble with erections. He doesn't say that he loves me like he used to during or after sex. It's sex not love making anymore. I have tried to express to him some of my feeling like we are disconnected.

He left 2 days ago after I asked him to stay and work things out, he went to his parents, hasn't called.

He mentions often that he is old, out of shape. Talks about his wrinkles on his face, how his skin looks old on his hands & legs, he says he has no butt anymore or thighs, and can't get it up. He lost his job the end of September. I don't know what to do. I love him with every ounce of my being. I need help, advice, guidance, something... anything.

Lost in love

Noel's response

It sounds as though he may be having a midlife crisis, as his world is falling apart (physical appearance, sexual performance, and now his job... all the things a man often identifies himself with).

I can only recommend that you get some counselling to help get yourself through this situation. I do not know when, or whether he will come back. Take care of yourself, let him know you love him, but that you cannot put your life on hold for him.

He will get through this stage, but there is no way to predict when, or what he will be like when he does.