is my husband scared to ask for a divorce
He had an emotional affair - might be still I don't know. he is 52. dad recently died, mom about to die and sister dead. He says he wants it to work with us. Refuses counseling. I can't go on like this much longer - do I give a deadline. It has been 2 months. i love him and don't want a divorce.
You don't mention whose dad, mom and sister. If his, he is under a lot of stress. If yours, YOU are under a lot of stress.
Two months is not a very long time for things to be rocky. Can you talk to him about how you are feeling (without blaming him - use 'I statements'), or get him to talk about HOW he wants to work things out with you, if he won't go to marriage counseling?
Hang in there for at least a few more months.
If it is your mom, dad and sister, then get some grief counseling.