is my spouse going thru a mid life crisis?

by KIm
(kansas)

The Question


We live common law. we have been together 19 years and have two beautiful daughters.

In early summer he had a one night affair. When I found out I was crushed and so was he that he had hurt me so badly. At the time our relationship was a little rough, but I didn't think he would ever do anything like that. He apologized and told me how much he loved me and it would never happen again.

Things became really good between us: making love every night and doing things together, our relationship has never been better and we have never been closer.

Then one night out of the blue he started crying and ended up telling me he wanted to be single again. He said he does not plan to act on this because he loves me so much and does not want to hurt me again.

We have a better relationship than any couple we know, physically and emotionally. Then last night he told me this again. I am so confused. he loves me and does not want to hurt me and I love him so much I don't want to be without him. I can't imagine being without him. He his 43 years, and recently lost a lot of weight. He talks about getting more tattoos, cliff diving, both of these he has done in the past.

I love him so much and don't want to lose him, and I know he truly loves me and doesn't really want what he is saying, he just acts confused as to what he wants. Please I beg you to help me figure out what to do. We are good together and we have a lot of things together.

Noel's response

He does sound as though he is in a midlife crisis. As to what to do, I only have a couple of suggestions:
- keep talking to each other, to help keep things clear between you.
- suggest he see his doctor for a complete physical exam.
- You might also suggest he visit my 'depression page: Depression/Irritability, as he may be in a mild depression, which would make him feel confused about what he wants.
- Perhaps the two of you going to marriage counselling, and/or, if he is willing, him seeing a counsellor, might help you both figure out where to go from here.

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