Is there any way to get through this more smoothly and quickly?

by Mr. Invisible
(California)

The Question

I feel like I'm in the middle of a mid life crisis. I'm changing how I dress, I'm growing my hair longer, I'm hanging out with a new crowd. I'm finding younger friends. I started my own store--a little hippie shop like the one I worked in 15 year ago. I've got new pursuits, new attitudes, new dreams.

I've become discontented with my church (the members mostly) which I've been a very strong member of for the last 13 years--nine of those years in full-time, paid ministry.

I'm feeling like I don't really fit in anywhere and don't really know what the future holds and can't really see much light ahead.

I'm also starting to develop a crush on a girl half my age. Apart from the agitation and stress it's causing me, it's also driving my wife away.

I understand this crisis could last weeks, months, even years. So, my BIG QUESTION is: Is there any way to get this over with more quickly and smoothly without blowing my life to bits?

Noel's response

I don't know any way to speed up a transition. It takes as long as it takes. I recommend you avoid doing anything too drastic re: the girl you have the crush on, as it is almost for sure that it will pass in time.

I strongly recommend two books for you:

• Crossing the Soul's River by William O. Roberts


• The Way of Transition by William Bridges

Roberts was a church minister who left his church, wife and pretty well everything else for at least a couple of years. His book is about the transition he went through. I think you will find it very useful. Bridges writes about the nature of transitions. Again, useful information.