Married 39 years dating a co worker

by Chas
(Philadelphia)

I am a 62 year old male have been dating a co worker for 3 years. We have known one another since I was 29 and she was 22. We are now in love. what shall I do. Married 39 years and not sexually attracted to my spouse.


Noel's response

As you are now in your 60s, you are aware that sexual attraction, while important, is not as important as the other aspects of a relationship.
Your co-worker is now 55, and if she is like many, if not most women, will lose her sexual desire over the next few years. If you are basing your 'love' for her on sexual attraction, that will disappear with your her as well.
If there are deeper attractions (companionship, etc.) there may be more to the relationship with the coworker.
Bear in mind that all relationships go through stages: honeymoon, adjustment period, and settling (or discovering after the honeymoon period that it was a mistake). You and your co-worker are in the honeymoon stage. It may be very different in a year or two if you decide to live together.
Ending a long-term marriage can be very difficult for your wife and your family and for you as well, not only emotionally, but also financially.

I can't suggest what you should do, but you might get an insight for making this decision by doing a meditation: sit quietly, follow your breath for ten or twenty breaths, and when your mind is slowed down, ask your heart to comment on divorcing your wife. Pay attention to the feeling you get. Your mind will want the answer to be 'yes', but your heart will tell you the truth with a feeling.
Hope this helps.

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