Married Man and Gay Internet Porn

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have 4 children and I thought a good marriage. He lost his job this past year and has been quite depressed as he struggled finding a job in this bad economy.


I tried to be there for him and support his depression and he did end up finding a job recently. I came across (now at 3 different time) that he was looking at Xtube and gay internet porn sites. He was sending very explicit emails to different men and wanting to meet them in places. I confronted him about it and he was sick. He told me he was at the lowest he has ever been and that he NEVER met with any of the men.

He said he liked the idea of doing something rebellious, but never had any intention of meeting these men. He apologized profusely and put a hammer to his laptop. He swears he wants to fix our marriage and family and go to counseling. He already called the doctor.

Is my husband bisexual? Is this something that can happen in a midlife crisis? I want so bad to stay with him, but I am scared that it won't stop and if I can trust him or not. How do you get over something like this.

He is a very manly man...I NEVER thought he would ever do something like this. He says that if anyone ever found out about this he would kill himself. I am scared to tell anyone. It could ruin his career, marriage, friendships, etc. HELP ME PLEASE!!

Noel's response

First of all, there is no need to tell anyone, so chances are no one but you, and possibly a counselor, will need to find out.

I don't think a midlife crisis can cause a man to become bisexual. Perhaps he is telling the truth when he says he wanted to do something rebellious, but never planned to meet any of the men.

I have met a number of men who at midlife discovered they could no longer suppress the gay tendencies they had all their lives, and perhaps he fits that category.

I strongly recommend marriage counseling and/or individual counseling for help getting through this.

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