men in midlife crisis & sex

by cathy
(edmonton alberta)

My fiance is 44 years old & is looking at other women all the time now. I used to be the only one he would have his eyes on. He's been very irritable lately & drinking quite heavily. We've been fighting more often than normal & he usually apologizes & seems sincere in his apology. Now it seems like he doesn't care.


He assures me that he loves me & cant live without me but his actions are confusing me. Are men in a midlife crisis more likely to mess around on women to make them feel like they still got it or has he maybe just lost interest in me?

Noel's response

Men in midlife transitions will often get obsessed with sex, partly because they often are starting to lose the sexual prowess of their younger years and they are not sure they are still attractive to women.

They will also sometimes project the 'mother image' onto their wives, which makes the wives look less appealing as lovers, and project the 'Helen' image (idealized lover) onto other women, which makes those women look very appealing.

In the cases where the men leave their wives and take up with these other idealized (usually younger) women, the illusion usually falls away in time because the idealized woman turns out to be a normal human being just like the rest of us.

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