Mid life crisis affair

My husband left me after almost 30 years of marriage so he could live with his co worker who he's been working with for 13 years and having an affair with for at least 6 months. He never told me he was unhappy with me. I always felt so fortunate that I had him for my husband.


I did notice changes in his sexuality in the last 3 years. He became less affectionate and seem to desire me less. He started to sleep down stairs more and made excuses like: I have sleeping problems and my asthma is bothering me. I believed him because he has severe asthma and is on lots of meds. I never doubted his love for me because it had always been so constant.

The last six months he really withdrew and around the holidays he seemed as if he was hiding in the corner not even talking and being the loving dad he had always been to my daughter who was visiting us from Washington dc. My daughter and I were so distraught. She even started to cry and asked her Dad what was wrong, but he didn't know what to say and that he would try to be more there for us.

Of course I was beside myself and begged him to let me know what was wrong. I decided to take him to a resort to Costa Rica to help him de-stress. It was then right before the trip he confessed the affair. This is what he said to me: " I'm having an affair with .... I'm totally obsessed with her and I'm afraid I will lose her to another man" Well a minute before that I never thought my husband was capable of such a thing or such deception. He had never even told me he was ever attracted to her. He had always told me in the past if he was attracted to certain co workers. I asked him if he was willing to give up his family for her and he replied. "I think so"
Anyway he has left.

He almost immediately moved in with .... and is becoming more apart of her family. I have an 89 year old mother who lives next door who helped us raise our daughter when we both had to work. He helps pay half of the bills, but left me with the maintenance of the house and my aging mother who most recently broke her hip. My daughter who had the most loving relationship with her Dad refuses to have anything to do with him. I am seeking a divorce now, but most concerned about my daughter's relationship with her Dad. We speak cordially on the phone and keep him abreast about what is going on in our daughter's life. PLS advize with any insights. Thank you so much!

Noel's response

I don't know what to advise. You seem to be doing what is necessary given the circumstances. I don't that there is much you can do about your daughter's relationship with her dad, as it is up to them (especially her dad) to figure out.

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