Mid Life Crisis - Or Just Done With Me

by Terri
(Florida)

My husband and I have been married 29 years. Christmas of 2012 his mom passed, six months later he had a mini stroke. During this he just started a new career and mine ended the end of this year. We have a 15 yr old daughter still at home. His father passed 8 years ago. Needless to say the last 2 years have been stressful and after my career ended I started feeling sorry for myself and things just got worse. We had an argument at Valentines Day about him giving his female boss flowers and he got mad and left. Said he loved me but wasn't in love and was done. Divorce is the only option. He came home on Sundays to see our daughter and was all over me each time, I asked for counseling and he agreed but then told therapist he only wanted to make the divorce easier for me. When he first left he was concerned if I went out, wanting to know who I was with, etc. Wore his wedding ring, kissed me in front of daughter but after 2 sessions with therapist one together and then the one on his own, he took off ring, won't come near me, said he doesn't care if I date or what I do. He also barely talks to our older kids. (Also preceding this he was having some issues in the bedroom). Also, when he first left he said he just felt cold inside and was done.

My heart is breaking for him and us. If this is a mlc I don't want to abandon him, but if not, and he really dislikes me this much then I guess there is nothing left.
Does this sound like a mlc?

Noel's response

It sounds like it could be a MLC, but with other complications, such as grief from his mother dying, and perhaps some unresolved issues in your marriage. My suggestion is that you move on with your life as though divorce is going to happen (i.e. don't put your life on hold), and if he wants to get back together at some future date you can decide whether you are willing to do that.

Comments for Mid Life Crisis - Or Just Done With Me

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Oct 01, 2014
Deception
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have been married for almost 21 yrs. A year ago he started looking at other women in front of me. I confronted him and he said he was silly and it won't happen again. I thought it was MLC but found out today that he has taken two loans from our 401k and two personal loans. I'm at my wits end.

Apr 27, 2014
3 Years Later
by: Michele

I have written off and on, on this site. My husband left me 3 years ago after he confessed he was having an affair with his coworker. It was so devastating for both me and my adult daughter who is now 27. Before his affair started, I look back now and see all the symptoms of MLC.
He also being in his 50's was starting to have problems in the bedroom which I feel affected his self esteem. Up to that point, he was a wonderful husband and Dad.
He left very suddenly and told me he didn't love me anymore. There was no convincing him by anyone, even his beloved daughter couldn't convince him to try marriage counseling.

Fast forward 3 years. My daughter will not see him. She'll speak to him on occasion. We recently got together for lunch to talk about our daughter. Towards the end of our lunch he broke down and told me regretted what he had done. He said every day he feels such despair when he thinks about how he hurt my daughter and I. He said he was so obsessed at the time that all he could think about was the other woman. Now that the fog has lifted, he realizes what he once had. He still loves this woman, I think, but he wishes now he had never done it. We had a very stable and loving family life. I think now with this new family it is much more turbalent.
I know every situation is different, but for those wives out there who are so hurt and befuddled and thought they had a pretty good marriage, I hope you'll get the satisfaction and some closure like I did. It helped me to move on.

Also it proved Noel's theory that MLC takes about 5 years to pass. I see my ex husband's humanity and compassion coming back. Thank God. Now I pray that our Daughter will be able to see and forgive her Dad.

My heart goes out to all those wives who have been left so suddenly.
Very Best, Michele

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