Midlife crisis, or bisexual and heterosexual stalemate?

by Joe
(Pennsylvania)

Midlife crisis, bisexual and heterosexual stalemate
by: Anonymous

This is certainly what happened to me but I'm not sure whether it is intimacy and a full relationship that I want with a man -or- whether it is just an occasional sexual encounter. I have a deep-seated desire to be close to another man, which I believe is intensified by a lack of intimacy with my father when I was a pre-teen and adolescent. My situation is complicated by the fact that I love my wife and family. At times, but infrequently, my wife and I have been able to be intimate and make pretty passionate love. In many ways she has been my anchor and is a soul mate and I do not want to end my relationship with her for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I/we want to raise our two beautiful daughters in the best possible way so that they can be raised in a loving 2 parent environment. I also feel that this "bisexual" phase could pass and do not want to regret risking my marriage which has brought my wife and I a lot of joy together (and trying times).

Nonetheless, I feel I met a male soulmate a few years ago as well. We had a relationship that was somewhat intimate but ended fairly abruptly and decisively and now I find myself still longing to at least talk with him or find someone like him I can share with. I have been in therapy for some time now but I don't seem to be able to resolve the dilemma. The recommendation my therapist has given me is to stay put, preserve my marriage and role as a father while thinking about what it is I might desire later with a man.

Is my situation unique? Is there a support group I can become part of that will help with my bisexual/homosexual desires?

Noel's response

Your situation is not unique, and I do think your therapist's advice is good.

I recommend you attend a New Warrior Adventure Training, which is sponsored by The ManKind Project, not to find a man to have a relationship with, but because this is an organization of authentic, open-hearted men. There you may well find the male companionship you are looking for, without having to risk your marriage by getting into a sexual relationship with a man.