Midlife Man Using Porn for stimulation

My husband and I are both 50 and have always had an active and satisfying sex life...Over the past few years I have noticed some changes is my husband's sexual habits/performance...For example, it sometimes seems more difficult for him to reach climax and he has less powerful orgasms....Not all of the time...just sometimes. I have a very strong sex drive and consider 3 to 5 times a week to be satisfying...He has always been able to get by with less and feel satisfied. He has gone through periods where he has been attached to internet porn and I have been concerned that his porn use/viewing could be influencing and affecting our sex life...His porn use has been low for the past six months or so...until recently. The other morning I woke very in the mood...but he was having difficulty getting aroused and was unable to reach climax...It left me feeling inadequate... problem is...I believe that he has been using porn to get aroused before we have sex. In the past few weeks I have noticed a short visit to the computer before and have found evidence that he has been on a site. I am afraid that he feels pressured by my level of sexual desire coupled with a loss of ability to perform....but even more concerned that his use of porn to achieve arousal will become a necessary device. I am in pretty good shape especially for my age and have been told I am a very attractive woman who looks much younger than my age. Is it unreasonable for me to expect that he be aroused by the sight and scent of me? Are my fears ill founded? What is the best approach to use to talk to him about the matter?


Noel's response

It is common for men at midlife (especially from age 50 on) to have episodes of impotence. Regarding the online porn, it may be that no matter how attractive or aroused you are, there is a familiarity to your sexual encounters that has begun to feel routine to him (I am guessing here), and with a decreased sex drive, again which is common at age 50 and beyond, he needs some 'extra stimulation' to get it up.

The best approach for talking about it is to use 'I statements' and talk about what you see, and what you are afraid it means. Then give him uninterrupted time to respond.

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