Mr. in between
Hi my name is Mike. I am 60 yrs old. I am currently in a situation which I am trying to understand and which I know is of my own doing.
I married for the first time when I was 38 yrs old and I married a woman 8 years older than myself. She had been married twice before and had two daughters from her first husband ( 19 and 20 yrs old) when I came along. She also had a son from the second husband.The son was 10 at the time when I married her.
My marriage to her has been a turbulent one and often verbally violent and on occasions in the early years physically violent as well. We have been married for 23 yrs. I have not enjoyed the relationship at all but have found myself staying on. About 11yrs ago I moved out of the "marriage bed" so to speak and went to sleep in my own room. I also stopped having sexual contact with my wife as I found it hard to be involved in vicious arguments and then have to make love etc (Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton setup. My wife has always had jealousy issues even with regards to me playing golf. She had a father who drank and rejected her etc.
I have helped looked after her second husband who died three years ago (Had him at home for few months as he was diabetic and had alcohol issues). I was instrumental in
trying help the daughters reconcile with their father. I am not the jealous type and even had both ex husbands stay over for Christmas.
We have always been involved in a power struggle. I won't be dominated by her and she by me. During the last ten yrs we have often spoken of divorce but we have made no concrete decisions. I have always wanted to leave but have never had the guts to do so. I have never had affairs but have had sex outside of the marriage over the last ten years. I cannot and do not want to sleep with her in the same bed and she feels the same way. Recently things came to a head and were helped along by the fact that I met a 25 year old lady whom I confided in and we have grown very close.
I cannot stay in this relationship and want to leave and I state categorically that I am not leaving the frying pan to jump into the fire. I just feel I would be better living on my own.
I know this young lady is much younger than me but she is just a friend who I confide in.
Your comments and questions will be welcome and might assist me to get out of this dilemma
Our communication is superficial. Noel's response
The logical thing to me is that you divorce. Your relationship is unsatisfying to both of you, and does not sound likely to improve.