My 43-year-old boyfriend thinks he is tweny something

by Anonymous
(Bethany CT)

The Question


I need some insight. My boyfriend of almost a year this past summer began having a midlife crisis at age 43. He bought a bicycle and started riding with 20-year-olds, which consumed almost all his time. He couldn't keep up and told me many times they had to carry him into the house.

He also has gone hiking and other activities and literally has gotten hurt trying to keep up with these kids. He is tired all the time, moody, and just plain acting very very weird. Now that the weather is getting colder he is not riding his bike but is still hanging out with them. I have caught him in many white lies and I'm not sure what the heck is going on with him.

Its been almost a year and he still hasn't invited me to his home. I love him dearly but I don't think I can emotionally survive this crisis. He just admitted to me he went to a hockey game Sunday with these kids who are in their 20s and not related to him. I told him I didn't think it was healthy for him to hang out with kids half his age and he didn't speak to me for a couple of days. I probably should not of said anything.

I know he is divorced after 17 years of marriage and started over so to speak about 5 years ago. He doesn't seem to be the same person I met - I have literally watched him change from this wonderful man into almost a bratty teenager.

He seems to be depressed at times about facing his own mortality.

I kind of feel bad because as much as I love him I am ready to break up with him as I can't ride this roller coaster with him anymore, he is so moody at times. I can't cry anymore over this guy. He is unable to see how he is behaving and I need some solid advice on how to help him or I really just need to walk away.

Signed I can't take it anymore

Noel's response

If I were you I would walk away. He obviously has some growing to do, and once he gets through this crisis, he may not want to be with you anyway. My observation over the years is that relationships started when a person is in an emotional crisis usually do not last when the crisis is over.

The first one I discovered this about was myself, as I got married a year after my first wife died, and once I realized my mistake it was too late. We got divorced after thirteen years of struggle and it was a relief to both of us.

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