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my 58 year old husband wants his own apartment?

by Dee
(Jax, FL)

We are in foreclosure. We've been married 16 years. My husband drives a truck for a local company. I clean houses for extra money, I have a business license, but my income is only a few thousand dollars a year. My husband is considering taking a job with a company that would only allow him to come home on weekends. At first I thought, well, he is only home long enough to come eat, watch a couple of TV shows and then go to bed as it is, (about 8 hours total before he is back on the road, and we only have weekends together, anyway.) But, then, he said, "I'd like to have my own apartment." I asked why, and he answered, "I don't know it just has a certain appeal..." and he left it hang in the air. And now I am feeling pretty shaky. We have not had sex in two years. He has Pyronies Disease. He had been taking Cialis, but it got so that didn't work, and he told me he would have to have surgery to correct it. Since I realized to my surprise I don't have the same yearning for sex that I used to, ten years post menopause, but I still enjoyed it, but if he didn't approach me for it, I was okay with that, too, I told him how I felt. I told him if he wanted to have the surgery, then do so, but if he was doing it for my sake, I was okay. So, he said he wasn't going to have the surgery, then, and we have been pretty much the same as far as I knew, in our feelings. I love my husband deeply. But, there have been times that he joked when I said how happy we are,"Oh, yeah, we are some happy muthafXXrs!" with sarcasm. And so I wonder if my husband really unhappy with me, with our marriage. When I ask him, he has said, "I hate life. But one has to do what one has to do." So, now I am starting to think perhaps he really wishes he were not married. I don't think he wants a divorce because we have a strong faith, and he is committed to me...but I wonder now, could it be that he is depressed, or are we on the road to demise?

Noel's response

It sounds as though he may be depressed, and also in a 'later midlife' transition. If he is willing, he might see his doctor for a thorough medical and to perhaps get a prescription for an anti-depressant.

As for his wanting to have his own apartment, you might find the book 'Crossing the Soul's River' by William O. Roberts Jr. worth reading.

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