my 60yrs husband wants to leave me after 23yrs,

by Tammy
(London)

The question


My husband says he doesn't love me like he used to. we have always been a couple who were best friends as well as husband and wife, he has never had any friends, said he didn't need them.

I used to say maybe it would be nice for him to have some men to hang out with sometimes but he didn't think so. I have friends and am a happy go lucky person, he has been out with my friends over the yrs as couples do and gets on well with them and liked them. He is a very private man and finds it difficult to discuss his feelings, for the past year he has been different with me, gone from telling me if I only knew how much he loved me to no cuddling, emotionless kissing and erectile dysfunction.

Now says been feeling different about me for a long time, when I've tried to ask whats wrong he would get angry and say "don't keep on".

He has been having in depth conversations about how he feels with a 63 yr old woman that works for him. He says he had to talk to someone.

Won't go to doctors. Told me on Sunday doesn't think we are going to make it and I should start to make arrangements as to what I am going to do in terms of my life.

He thinks he should leave for a while to see if he misses all he has. Still loves me of course. Says not anything to do with this woman. She has a boyfriend he tells me. I want to talk to her.

He has said he'll go to relate this week if I think it may help, still wants to kiss me good night and good morning, and sleep in the same bed.

Am not sure what to do, am in a bad way.

Noel's response

I am not sure what to suggest. If he tells you start making arrangements as to what you are going to do in terms of your life, I would take it seriously. If nothing else, it will be a good exercise to see what you DO want to do with the rest of your life, with or without him.

It might include looking at your financial situation, and figuring out what you would have to live on if the two of you separated. He might be surprised at what he would have left to live on if the two of you split and he ended up with only half your resources as well.

It is possible that if he left for a while he would discover that he would miss all that he has with you.

Forewarned is for-armed though. Do the thinking about what you want in your life, in the event you do find yourself along. If he is willing to go to a counsellor with you, book an appointment and go.

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