My boyfriend of 4 years decided to move out on his own?

by Bernadette Cruz
(Sonoma, California)

The Question


My boyfriend of 4 years, all of a sudden decided to tell me he wanted to be on his own. We have lived together for 4 years and his teenage son came to stay with us 2 years ago (I helped him graduate high school).

Our relationship was a product of him leaving and divorcing his wife of 20 years. In the divorce he gave his ex the house and all the belongings. She eventually let the house go to foreclosure and my boyfriend had no choice but to file bankruptcy and then lost his job of 23 years as a result of his plant closing in Jan 09.

In April of 2010 he decided to move out. Please tell me if I should just move on.

Thank you
Bernadette (Sonoma California)

Noel's response

You probably know as well as I do what you should do. You haven't said whether you are still in touch with him, and whether he has indicated he will not be back, or whether he is 'thinking about it', etc.

The fact that he got in a relationship with you as a result of leaving his wife suggests he was on the rebound, and that your relationship was more-or-less doomed from the start.

A psychologist I know says that whenever a break-up occurs (such as your boyfriend leaving his wife), there is at least one or two 'throw-away' relationships during the grief and recovery stage. Yours could have been such a relationship.

Yes, move on.

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