My commitment is WEAK

by Phoenix
(India)

I am 28 years old MALE, I have a girlfriend and we have been going out for 1 year now and still going, in spite of all the troubles that i face everyday for what i am about to say.


My girlfriend has the qualities of being a very good wife and especially a good mother - personality wise she is humble, gentle, hard working, patient, very tolerant, loyal and very dependent towards me and me alone. I somehow knew that she would be the type of person i just said from the first time a saw her, also since i wanted to get married soon and obviously thinking of my to be family future i knew she would be perfect on the long run. So i quickly dated and hooked up with her without any time wasted...so here i am today still dating.

Now here's my big question which i have been fighting with myself for the past 1 year now and frankly its very very depressing sometimes and wish i was never born at times. From my teens i had always had a very strong urge and sexual attraction towards TALL, FAIR and BIG BREASTS GIRLS and had also thought that i would date and be married to one...i don't know why - BUT I JUST DO, i can't explain it. Every time i see any of those type of girls my heart just starts pumping and beating up so rapidly...and i want them so bad. In the past, I have dated so many girls regardless of their body appearance and also some TALL, FAIR AND BIG BREASTS WOMAN but i have NEVER EVER found a girl who had all the personality and character qualities that my girlfriend has now, for starting a good firm and steady family.

My girlfriend is pretty and fair BUT SHORT AND HAS SMALL BREASTS...i wished and am still praying everyday for her to have BIG BREASTS and also to be TALL so that i will never be tempted again, and forever be LOYAL always to her and her alone even in my thoughts. My prayers and wishes for her ... will it ever come true?

Will i be happy and content if i marry my girlfriend and most importantly will i be able to control all my urges physically and mentally in all environments even if my girlfriend does not see me, i want to be forever loyal both mentally, emotionally and sexually to her and her alone only... otherwise i don't feel like having anymore other relationships and would rather stay single from now on?

I WANT TO DATE AND MARRY A TALL, FAIR AND BIG BREASTS WOMAN. Will i stop CRAVING for other girls with those type of body characteristics when i see them, if i am married?

If i leave her and start to date again searching for that type of personality, it will again take me a lot of time and effort after many many dates to find that quality strong wife. Will i regret it if i leave her?

Thinking back of all the relationships that i have been in, thinking back honestly I NEVER WANT TO HURT ANYONE ANYMORE EVER AGAIN, BECAUSE OF MY OWN SELFISH FANTASIES, ESPECIALLY TO HURT MY GIRLFRIEND who i have now.

WILL MY URGES SUBSIDE, AND BE CONTENT IF STAY WITH HER, I WANT TO MARRY HER BUT MY PHYSICAL URGES ARE VERY STRONG ... AND I AM REALLY SCARED THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEM IN THE FUTURE???

OR SHOULD I LEAVE HER AND LET SOMEONE ELSE HAVE HER, AND INSTEAD KEEP SEARCHING FOR THAT PHYSICAL TYPE OF WOMAN THAT I WANT...BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT FROM PAST EXPERIENCES THAT EVEN IF I DO DATE AGAIN, I WILL NOT soon FIND THAT TYPE OF PERSONAL AND CHARACTER WIFE QUALITY THAT I WANT among ALL THE PHYSICAL BEAUTY WOMEN THAT I WILL DATE .... ITS GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND DATES TO COME ACROSS SUCH A PERSONALITY LIKE MY GIRLFRIEND.

Please Please!! I am not shallow BUT its just how GOD made and raised me, and i am trying to cope adjust and adapt for my girlfriend and our future so badly; but again and again i get knocked down and get very very depressed mostly everyday now ... PLEASE HELP ME ... It's KILLING and EATING MY LIFE AWAY.

Noel's response

Your question doesn't have much to do with midlife, but I will try to respond anyway.

Your obsession with tall, fair, big-breasted women has nothing to do with them. As you already know, a woman's appearance, just as a man's, has very little to do with how satisfying a long-term relationship will be.

You are projecting a lot of 'magical thinking' onto tall, fair, big-breasted women, and are bound to be disappointed should you leave your girlfriend and keep looking.

I suggest you spend some time, either on your own, or with a counselor, examining what you imagine life would be like with a tall, fair, big-breasted woman and see wither you can discover where the projection came from, which may help you let it go.

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