My Husband and a Midlife crisis or transition?

by Audrey
(NC)

Question

My husband and I recently separated after 21 years of marriage. I don't know what has happened except that we both were unhappy and I suggested counseling and he refused.

Should I be worried? Several people have asked me if he was seeing someone else, and my honest opinion and his is not. Am I being gullible? Is he telling me the truth?

Our children are 20 and 16. I want our marriage to work but I'm worried that he doesn't know what he wants out of life. Please help me understand what he is going through.

Noel's response

It sounds as though your husband is going through a transition, and chances are he does not know what he wants out of life. However, if he is not willing to go to counseling, or to look at his life, there is not much you can do.

It also sounds as though neither of you is happy with your marriage the way it is, so something has to change.

What you can do is figure out what you want out of life, and work toward achieving it. If you depend on him, or for your marriage to work out, you will be disappointed. No one else can bring you happiness or fulfilment.

As to whether you should be worried, I don't know. But chances are you do.