My husband doesnt find me attractive anymore but says he still loves me

by jules
(uk)

We have been married for 29 years and just before his 50th birthday, out of the blue my husband came home and told me he didnt know where our marriage was going and couldnt see us being together for ever. Unfortunately we dont have children and he said the house was empty. Now he says he still loves me but not in the same way and doesnt finds me as attractive.


I am devastated and dont know what to do, I think he wants to end the marriage but hasnt got the guts to say it.


Noel's response:

I am not sure what to suggest. You could be right about him want to end your marriage but not being willing to say so.

On the other hand, he is at the age where many men go through a major midlife transition, and they often don't know what they want in ANY aspect of their lives. I know a number of couples who have separated at that age (sometime the men want to separate, and sometimes the women initiate it), and once they get through the turmoil of the midlife transition, they get back together. When they do, the quality of their relationship has changed, so it becomes more of a 'companionable marriage'.

Of course sometimes they separate and don't get back together. You don't mention your age, but if you are in menopause, chances are you are feeling a lot of changes too, including being on an emotional roller coaster.

I suggest you figure out what you want to do with your life, with or without him, and move forward.

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