My husband is 35 years old and he has moved out because he is confused.

by Melissa
(Massachusetts)

Hello,

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 14 year anniversary on January 1st. We have had a difficult time the past couple of years due to finances and my depression as well as his own depression. Two weeks ago he met a 21 year old girl who is completely unstable and has drug addiction problems. He has promised that they have not been physically intimate but they chat everyday and now he has moved out because he is not willing to stop talking to her. He says he is confused and he is only asking for a couple of weeks space. We have three young children at home. Is this a mid life crisis at 35.

If he decides he wants to be with this addict girl, is it unreasonable of me to request supervised visitations for him with our children? He is not a drug user but I am afraid that this girl's drug use could affect him which could affect my children.

I want my husband back and feel completely heart broken. How do I go about winning him back? He says no matter what his decision he will always love and miss me.

Noel's response

To answer your first question - yes, it seems reasonable to me to request supervised visitation if he decides to move in with the young woman.

And yes, it can be a midlife crisis at age 35. in his book The Seasons of a Man's Life Daniel Levinson says we go through transitions about every to years. If we do not do one transition well, we may have a struggle in the next one. This may be the case with your husband.

As far as winning him back, I think the best strategy (and it will work out best for you whether he comes back or not) is to figure out how you want to live your life, with or without him, and move forward with it. I also suggest you set some boundaries for your relationship, and let him know what you will, and will not, put up with. You might find some counseling helpful in this.

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