My husband is leaving me.Midlife crisis?????

by Sharon
(UK)

After almost 21 years of marriage my husband is leaving me. He has applied for social housing,I do not know what he has said to the housing officer as I wasnt in the room (they shut the door). My husband has been acting offish for sometime now but more since Jan this year after he said it was time to move (back to the usa) and I said no. The intimacy has been completely non-existent for 2 years now,he goes to the gym quite often, goes to watch live bands with his friends, and stays out till 3-4am in the morning.(not all going out all the time tho) He has lost weight. He is now using special shampoo to make his hair stronger,hes also using anti aging cream and was using fake tan and coloured his hair.(its receding at the front) He is 42 and Im 53

He says we are NOT married and he doesnt spend time with me or the kids (a girl 14, and two boys 17 and almost 19). He never spends time with any of us. If hes off he goes out alone and he is always going off outside when using his mobile phone(cell). He works a lot too. He has also said he hates me. He didnt take my daughter out for her bday this year.
Are these signs of midlife crisis? If so how long does it last?

Noel's response

It sounds as though it is a lot more than a midlife crisis. From what you describe about his behaviour I am surprised you have not left him!

I believe you would be best served by setting some boundaries with him (i.e. once he has moved, change the locks and do not allow him in your house any more, etc.) and moving on with your life.

Comments for My husband is leaving me.Midlife crisis?????

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May 31, 2012
My H is leaving me??
by: NWF

Hi, I have read your story and it is very familiar to most of us, he is having a MLC. No sex, loosing weight, coloring his hair, tanning his skin...etc. I hate to tell you this but he is probably also having an affair since he is gone so much and secretly uses his cell phone and pays you and your kids no attention. SORRY! If I were you, I would check his phone daily. I would also get all of the money from the savings account and whatever else you can get because he will squander it foolishly. Talk with a lawyer now and get a separation (not div.)agreement so he pays you what he should--unless you support him, then really get one fast. Does he want a divorce?? Some do and some don't. Don't beg him or ask him for anything, just leave him alone but don't let him take advantage of your goodness. He is able to take care of himself--and you also I hope, don't cater to him either. He is an emotional mess right now so don't make it any worse for him if you still want him around. No emotional stuff-he will run away faster. Use "I" statements when talking and don't blame him with "you" statements--even though he probably deserves it.

Please read as much of this web site as you are able to each day, there is much info there (click on the MLC section on the upper left side): MidLifeCrisisMarriageAdvocate.com with no spaces, caps don't matter. It will explain much to you. Read it again after a few months as it will make more sense to you then. You can also join the blog site and the folks there will help you with your questions. Find a good friend and hold on tight for the long haul. It may get much worse.

Hugs for you, NWF

May 31, 2012
men
by: Debbie

This sounds like a carbon copy of my husband. He is 42 to my 53 but we have no children
He suddenly two years ago fit 40, bought a Lotus, went to the gym a lot, lost weight, said i should do the same, went to raves (Raves!!) stayed out overnight at he said- his fathers. Lost interest in me physically, always criticised me and generall was an arse
Then at Christmas I found he had been seeing my friend when I found her naked pic on his pc, he blamed me saying it was because he didn't feel loved with me- I wasn't warm enough and he had realised she *55 and fve children) made him feel like a man again. He left me having rented a house withoiut my knowing and I am divorcing him for adultery. I could never have seen this coming. Alll I can say- and I am only 6 month sinto it- is get him out. Take back your power, Get a good lawyer- are you in the uk? Write down everything he does and date it so you have an audit trail, It is HIS crisis not yours and you will hear him bleat 'I love you but I am not in love with you'....shut your ears and omce you have started proceednigs you will feel worse for a bit and then FREE Your kids need to see you as a good role model for not taking crap
God bless you tho I know it hurts. Rely on your freinds, Nine were great.
Debbie

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