My husband suddenly feels nothing for me after saying I was his world for 14.5 years
HI there, My husbands mother passed away in August. Id been my usual supportive self all the way thro but a few days after her passing I let it in and didn't have a good day myself and snapped at him. Since then he has totally rejected me says I was evil, have no idea the level of disappointment he feels and that he feels nothing for me anymore.
I've tried everything but we have been living as strangers now for over 6 weeks. Ive tried talking to him but he wants nothing to do with me, he doesn't instigate conversation doesn't share anything with me, doesn't tell me where hes going or what hes doing he recently went on a 3 day business trip didnt tell me the hotel details or contact me whatsoever for all that time. I didnt take him up on it when he got back!
He just doesnt seem to care one bit for me and shows me no caring, concern or interest. Up until then we were each others world and shared everything. Weve had our ups and downs like everyone but when he got the news of his mothers terminal illness last year he did a similar thing. Then it was only the intervention of his father that sorted things out. This time I will not talk to his father as he is grieving for his wife and its absolutely not right to do so. We are strangers and ships that pass in the night, he wouldnt care less if I left him and
is now saying he hates his job its too much pressure but cant find anything else, wants to sell our beautiful home and move to something smaller but although Ive asked him what he wants says he doesnt know.
Ive asked if he loves me he says Ive never said I dont, but when quizzed says he doesnt know what he wants anymore. Its crazy we have a lovely life but he sees everything as wrong in his life and that its all my fault somehow. Its a long story but he's had so much over the years and Ive supported him loyally without question. I feel desperate, alone and totally rejected let alone unloved, I dont know what to do. Please help me with some advice thanks so much.Noel's response
You don't mention his age, but I assume he is somewhere in midlife. A number of other women have written with similar circumstances where a parent (often the mother) dies, and the man (usually middle-aged) reacts much like yours did.
It sounds to me like unresolved grief complicated by a midlife transition, where the man sees that he is in the front row, and 'next in the box' (i.e. he can see the end of his life coming, and it doesn't feel all that far away.
I am not sure what you can do for/about him. My only suggestion is that you get clear on what you want in your life, and carry on. You might want to also examine whether you have any unresolved grief with your mother-in-law's death.