My husband suddenly feels nothing for me after saying I was his world for 14.5 years

by Laura
(UK)

HI there, My husbands mother passed away in August. Id been my usual supportive self all the way thro but a few days after her passing I let it in and didn't have a good day myself and snapped at him. Since then he has totally rejected me says I was evil, have no idea the level of disappointment he feels and that he feels nothing for me anymore.


I've tried everything but we have been living as strangers now for over 6 weeks. Ive tried talking to him but he wants nothing to do with me, he doesn't instigate conversation doesn't share anything with me, doesn't tell me where hes going or what hes doing he recently went on a 3 day business trip didnt tell me the hotel details or contact me whatsoever for all that time. I didnt take him up on it when he got back!

He just doesnt seem to care one bit for me and shows me no caring, concern or interest. Up until then we were each others world and shared everything. Weve had our ups and downs like everyone but when he got the news of his mothers terminal illness last year he did a similar thing. Then it was only the intervention of his father that sorted things out. This time I will not talk to his father as he is grieving for his wife and its absolutely not right to do so. We are strangers and ships that pass in the night, he wouldnt care less if I left him and is now saying he hates his job its too much pressure but cant find anything else, wants to sell our beautiful home and move to something smaller but although Ive asked him what he wants says he doesnt know.

Ive asked if he loves me he says Ive never said I dont, but when quizzed says he doesnt know what he wants anymore. Its crazy we have a lovely life but he sees everything as wrong in his life and that its all my fault somehow. Its a long story but he's had so much over the years and Ive supported him loyally without question. I feel desperate, alone and totally rejected let alone unloved, I dont know what to do. Please help me with some advice thanks so much.

Noel's response

You don't mention his age, but I assume he is somewhere in midlife. A number of other women have written with similar circumstances where a parent (often the mother) dies, and the man (usually middle-aged) reacts much like yours did.

It sounds to me like unresolved grief complicated by a midlife transition, where the man sees that he is in the front row, and 'next in the box' (i.e. he can see the end of his life coming, and it doesn't feel all that far away.

I am not sure what you can do for/about him. My only suggestion is that you get clear on what you want in your life, and carry on. You might want to also examine whether you have any unresolved grief with your mother-in-law's death.

Comments for My husband suddenly feels nothing for me after saying I was his world for 14.5 years

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Nov 18, 2011
My husband suddenly feels nothing for me
by: Anonymous

Hi, I am 46 years old going through a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for over 17 years, and I discovered a year ago that he wa secretly talking to a female co-woker over the phone, giving her a ride home from work. and, I have laso found evidence that he is having an affair which he denies. We have alays had a very good relationship and one day he came home and told me he wanted to seperate, that he didn't lov eme anymore and that he was feeling me anymore. We went to marriage couseling for four months and I found out that my husband would talk to his co-eworker on his cell phone on his way to counseling and on his home, we would take seperate vehicles becasue we would get off of work and immediately come to counseling. He has denied this as well even though I have the phone records. I have found my husband at this womans home, found receipts and bank statements where he has paid for hotel rooms with his debit card, he is still denying the affair, but he will not come anywhere near me. My question is should I accept what I have found and move on with my life. as strange as this may sound, I want to work on my marriage, and am not interested in getting a divorce. Help, what should I do.

Oct 22, 2011
til death do us part?
by: Anonymous

I'm going through similar situation, married >30 years and he says he doesn't feel it anymore. 2 kids married in the last year, another married 2 years prior to that, last kid moved out 3mos ago We now have 2 beautiful grandbabies. I went full time on my job 3 years ago, worked lots of OT, and stopped homemaking, couldn't keep on like before. I became something he was able to fall out of love with. What a way to learn that you can't have it all, something's gotta give. Well my husband is what gave, right out of love with me. So what do I do now? Oh for a simpler time!!

Oct 20, 2011
Hi is "demonizing" you to justify his behaviour.
by: Irene

Hi.I recently discovered my husband has been texting and phoning another woman for months in secret. We have been married for 31years and I am still in love with him but think he no longer cares for me. He is 58 and his father passed away two years ago. I think the death of his father plunged him into a mid-life crisis. He says that there was no sex involved with this other woman and that she was simply someone who "uplifted" his spirits. We went to counseling and he said that he accepted it was an inappropriate relationship now and it has ended. That was 6 months ago now and I find it very hard to trust him still. In fact, I still wonder if they are in touch. When we were in counseling he maintained that he had a list of resentments towards me..they were pathetic..I think it was his way of diverting attention away from his behaviour.I don't know if we will ever be the same again..I would have sworn our relationship was rock solid.

Oct 17, 2011
He is being horrible because
by: Anonymous

Now that his mother is dead he doesn't have to worry about disappointing her. He has a mistress.

Oct 13, 2011
My husband suddenly feels nothing for me after saying I was his world for 14.5 years
by: Laura

Hi Noel, he's 47 and until she passed away had been texting me saying I was his World and that he loved me with all his heart. Now nothing. I tried talking again this morning and just simply asked if he missed me, he doesnt, and has no interest in me anymore or where I go or what I do. Says he is quite happy the say things are! I told him I loved him and missed him and that despite the fact that he's been quite horrible to me for weeks now, I still love him and that when I said my wedding vows for better or worse, I meant them. I said perhaps then he hadnt. He has absolutely no interest in me whatsoever and contradicts himself all the time. I cant do anything right, even food I buy in that I know he likes he now says he doesnt, its like he's trying to build some flimsy case against me and to justify his behaviour. I can see he is troubled but he thinks he's fine and will absolutely not open up. I just dont know what to do, any advice anyone can suggest would be so appreciated. Best wishes Laura

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