My husband walked out after 21yrs of marriage AND renewing our vows

by Christine
(NC)

Hi,

My husband had an emotional affair with a coworker in 2007-2008. Once I found out, we said we were going to go to counseling and make changes. This happened but we worked at sporadically. The marriage would be up and down.

Our 15yr old daughter died by suicide 4/10. Needless to say, this was a strain but we were growing closer through counseling. I admit I had trust issues because of some of his continued suspicious behaviors. During the last counseling appointment (prior to his walk out) he looked me in the eyes and said he loved me and was in love with me.

I then started making changes to give him "blind trust". A week later, I noticed he was not acting right. I was telling him about my counseling appointment that day. I said that I felt something was wrong. He said he was leaving. He walked out that night and has only been back to fix things around the house so we can sell it.

Bigger issue, I lost my job 4 days before he walked.
I just don't understand. How can a man renew his vows, show affection up to a week before he leaves and then tell me he is not "in love with me" and walk out?
I am in an emotional tailspin. I have to go through 21yrs of memories and the memories of our daughter to sort and pack the house.
Any advice??? Any Comments??? Any chance he will change his mind???

Noel's response

I don't know what to say. Perhaps your marriage counselor will have some insights.

Comments for My husband walked out after 21yrs of marriage AND renewing our vows

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Jul 23, 2012
he left after 28 years of marriage
by: Anonymous

My husband left after 28 years of marriage, we had discussed growing old together. He said he was not happy. Will not talk to me, answer my calls. But he says "it is not you, it is me" "I am in a dark place"

Sep 17, 2011
I feel your pain.
by: Anonymous

Sounds like he is in the midst of a mid life crisis. Sadly there is nothing you can do until he pulls his head out of his butt and realizes he has thrown everything away he cared about. Just before my 20th anniversary my husband became obsessed with his appearance, whitened his teeth, had an affair with a 23 year old bimbo at this work and said he didn't love me anymore and I had ruined his life, and all manner of other things.

He text'ed this girl morning, noon and night. He said he wanted to come back to me, but still continued to contact this tramp 24/7 while ignoring me and our 3 month old son. The girl he had the affair with was a tramp and when he finally saw her with someone else he realized he had been a fool and became the man I had always loved once again.

I know your heart is probably breaking but there is nothing you can do. He doesn't know what he is doing, it is essentially as though he had been possessed. Hopefully sooner rather than later he will snap out of it. Till then don't count on him, do all you can to make yourself happy and surround yourself with as much support as possible. I say this although I worry day after day that my husband is still contacting that tramp. Good luck, nobody knows how it hurts until it happens to them. It is as though the man you know and loved has vanished and has been replaced my a flip flopping A-hole. Good luck, take care.

Sep 13, 2011
website
by: Anonymous

go to midlife crisis for left behind spouses it really has helped me to understand what they are filling my husband left me after 31.5 yrs still married we just have to pray for them best of luck im also in nc must be in the water

Sep 13, 2011
Healing
by: Anonymous

Your husband might have narcissistic personality disorder which you can research on the web.Google "how to heal from a narcissist".

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