My husbands mid life crisis?

by Darlene
(St. Paul, AB)

My husband is 55 years old and I believe is in a mid life crisis. We are on the verge to separating perhaps divorce. It is devastating to me and our children. I can't understand why he won't come home even though he has split from his girlfriend. He is embarrassed that I found out about his affair, and now he is in some sort of a mental block preventing him from coming home.

He won't leave because I have actually asked him to leave, the emotional roller-coaster that the children and I have been in is getting too difficult to bear. How can I be supportive to him, he has refused to seek therapy. He flips back and forth between leaving and coming home and I feel that I must force an ultimatum for him to choose one way or the other but not both as it is has affected the rest of us. He is essentially a good man and I still love him but this does not seem to be enough for him. We need help desperately!

Noel's response

I am a little confused about your situation. You say he won't come home, and then you say he won't leave. Where is he living?

I suggest you see a counselor yourself to help work out what you want in your life with or without him, and then get on with it.

I agree that the emotional roller coaster of him more or less living at home, but also having an affair is very difficult, and it makes sense to me that you force him to leave until he figures out what he wants to do regarding your relationship.