My life as a made for television movie

My Husband told me 2 weeks after our 30th wedding anniversary that he didn't love me and wanted a divorce. It as a huge surprise as we hardly fought but I was feeling resentful because he was at work more, home less and helping less. I found myself saying I feel more alone when you are home than away.


He had been a devoted father, loving husband and my best friend. He also felt strongly that people who had affairs were dirt. So when I asked if he was having an affair and he said "No" I believed him. One month later I discovered he was texting and possible sexting a married co-worker 50 times per day whom he traveled with. When I confronted him, while he was on travel, with the evidence he broke down and cried and asked me not to hurt her as the announcement would hurt them both. They are both executives with the same company.

I had his stuff waiting in his car at the airport. Prior to this he did not have a plan for moving out. At this point "He stated where am I to go." He has been living in a rented house for 8 months and has very little contact with me or our 18 year old son.

We tried counseling but it was difficult because he was out of town so often. During counseling he was told he should move home if truly wanted to make our marriage work. He looked panicked and asked me "Do I really have to?" He then started saying things like he needed to see if he could live on his own. Our son who is a senior in High School is an amazing young man, good student (class valedictorian) , great athlete and a caring person. He has asked why his father could not have waited a year so he would not have ruined his senior year.

My husband attends the athletic events and his college track signing but otherwise is too busy working. He missed our son's 18th birthday and his senior project presentation. My son has lost respect for his father and calls him a "Show Dad" only comes out for show.

The husband of the other woman recently died from a mishap with an elective surgery. She stands to receive a large settlement. My husband thinks he loves her and has filed for divorce. He has pretty much agreed to give me everything I want. Yesterday was my birthday and as I was returning from lunch with friends the other woman ran out in front of my car while jogging. I hit the breaks, a very close call.

My husband travels extensively for work, sometimes being gone for multiple months at a time. So I took care of most household duties, worked full time as a project manager and raised our two kids.

My husband has been very angry at me during the separation and blames me saying I am too to controlling. Two of his examples of my controlling behavior, which are not quite as simple as he stated are my planning to spend Christmas with my Brother's family in 2013 after it had been at least 10 years, not liking the toilet bowl cleaner he bought and not letting him have a 50th birthday party. The reason's seem lame and could have been resolved if his feelings had been voiced instead of suffering in silence.

I don't want to give up on our marriage, but the divorce will be final in a couple of weeks.

He recently sent me a text by mistake that was supposed to go to his sister. He was at a track meet where our son acknowledged him but came and sat with me. The text stated "Meet popped. Life is good, had a great day! :)" I can't believe he is this happy and will he ever regret the damage that is being caused? It has been helpful to find this site. It has pointed out that if he returns, he will not be the same person who left. So I should be careful what I wish for.

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by: NWF

Hello, it is late here so I will be quick. His excuses are just that...excuses for his bad behavior and yes, they make no sense. This is common for a man in midlife crisis. They rewrite history and that is what you are seeing. None of this is your fault, it is happening to him, and him only. He is confused and doesn't know why. IF he returns, it will a long time off and he will not be thru his crisis at that point and it will tough for a while. But, after that (if he returns) he most likely will be a better man and father.

If you are happy and calm (fake it) around him and do not battle over things, he will have no one to battle with other than the other woman (OW). Do not cry around him or talk about anything emotional...no relationship talk. He is pure emotion right now and cannot handle any more from you or your son. Leave him to his crisis. I know this is very difficult but it is necessary for him to go thru this, now way to stop it...he must go thru it and probably not alone. The OW is a band aid for emotional support because he has buried his true feelings for you and son. He will run due to his confusion and guilt...let him and leave him to it.
He has to figure this out himself. Let him "blow in the wind" as they say. Show support when needed and keep to your boundaries...they may not work right now but he is watching and may follow the boundaries later on. As I have told others, go to the website: midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com to read more about MLC and learn. There is a forum there that you can read and join for support. Everyone there is great and you will learn much from the others there.

I am sorry that you are in this mess. Find a good friend to confide in and hold on tightly to that friend. Most others will not understand about MLC and think you are the crazy one...so be careful who you talk to. Do listen to your H if he tells you that you are the crazy...say: I'm sorry that you feel way, however, I see things differently. You are welcome to your opinion and I am welcome to mine. PS: the "controlling" statements they make are called "script" and all MLCer's say those type of things to us. Pay it no attention and let it go, it only nonsense and you will much more of it in the future.

Take care and hugs for you and your son, NWF

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