My marriage

by Jeny
(IL)

Question


I am 52 years old and my husband is 55. We are both in our second marriages and are both grandparents.

My husband and I went out 34 years ago and reconnected four years ago. About six months before we got married my husband met this woman on the computer. She tried to stop my husband from marrying me but he loved me and still wanted to marry me even though he was having feelings for her.

Two month before we got married I saw a chat on his computer. He had left his computer on and she had told him she loved him. We talked about it and he said he was going to stop it with her because he wanted a real marriage with me.

This February I came home from work and heard him on the phone with her. I called him on it. At first he said he loved both of us but within four months he was pulling his emotions away from me.

Could this whole thing be Mid-life crisis or male menopause?

Noel's response

I don't know whether it is a midlife crisis, but it sounds as though your husband was not totally committing to your marriage even when you got married. He seems to have been 'keeping his options open' in that he carried on a relationship with this other woman even though he told you he was going to end it.

It may be that he is afraid, as so many in our culture are, of missing out on something good. I believe that is why so many men and women have trouble committing to relationships these days.

They believe happiness comes from outside themselves, and that if they get the 'perfect partner', they will have a 'perfect marriage', forgetting that they themselves are part of the scenario.

My advice is you draw the line with him on what you are willing to put up with, and tell him to make a decision: you or her.

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