Noel, could you help us out more??

I'm amazed how many women are being left by their husbands in the cruelest ways. I don't see many men being left by their wives. I wish all these men could be imprisoned instead of taking off and finding their spiritual selves while their wives tend to their children and ailing parents. Some things never change. Noel could you give us some more in depth insight. Do any of these men wake up later in life and ever again consider their wives, children, and parents they leave behind?


Noel's response

Yes, many men 'wake up' later in life and do consider their wives, children and parents.

I want to point out that although there are literally hundreds of letters in this blog from women whose men have left, it by no means represents all the men going through midlife changes. I suspect it might be less than 5% of men in that situation.

There are also many men whose wives leave them at midlife, and/or have affairs. Men don't talk about that kind of thing, which is why they are not writing notes on this blog. (Although almost 99% of the notes here are from women, they only represent about 35% of the visitors to this site. the remaining 65% are men.

Comments for Noel, could you help us out more??

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Jan 12, 2012
MEN AND EXCUSES
by: JO

I HEAR your hurt , I do. I am guilty of trying to find excuses but really wanting to know the truth, about how my husband feels. heartless? maybe I think it must be horrible to realize that. but he does. cruel is close to real. but never the less, he feels. He let his thoughts, and emotions--control his desires and passion, and he says he wanted to win. I can't think of very many things he really lost--but her. what did that do to him? what can he say to me--I've never loved him less, respected his dreams less, wished he had all he ever dreamed of, then all this would be easier than trying to pretend he never wanted all that. no one could of been more honest--life isn't worth living now to him because of her. call that depression, maybe it is. But I can't ever forget the man I love. I can't sleep unless my nose is pressed against his back , I can't wake without seeing her face, remembering her game ( and she had it down sooo well) thing is she didn't know what to do with a really good man once she had him singing for her, serving her, desiring her,, obsessing about her, and really being serious. guess she thought "wow, he is some kind of a serious freak. older than my dad, and it sure gets old being his Princess," the sky wasn't a limit for him . so you can imagine how lonely he feels when it wasn't her and him against the world but just him against it all. I can't accept it, I can't believe it call it denial, but his concern for her every whim, he could of never lived long enough to please her enough to satisfy himself. nothing was enough for him to feel he gave enough. I feel your pain, I don't believe there are excuses . I'm awake every single night with thoughts racing through my head, wondering what his plans are. how one person could control his every breathe. when will it end? why did this have to happen. Life was so good --there were so many near to fatal tragedies in our life that we went through together. Like a cat with 9 lives. and I'm not just saying that. still --it doesn't change a thing. did it make us stronger--evidentally he doesn't let himself remember that. those were two other people, best friends, soul mates. desperately in love. two people against the world who took love part of the way. and mine , my love , it is love, that's one thing I know . it lives on, and on and on. Though many times I don't like him and I've hated his choices, I pity the man and what he must know of himself. still I know I love him .

Dec 06, 2011
Wife left me, took child, house and money
by: Anonymous

After 10 years of marriage, got home on Friday night to a 6 page letter of all the faults she had with me. Took our 6 yo daughter with her. Emptied out the bank account and filed for divorce. This after a year of counseling (I wanted that, she didn't). Now after 10 years I have no contact with a daughter who once loved me very much. My daughter has nothing to do with the extended family as well. So ladies, its not just men, we have other sites you see that deal with Parental Alienation but that is not what this site is about. Since this has happened to me I look at this site for answers to why I feel the way I do, being over 50 now. I have no one in my life and at the present time do not want too.

Why do your men leave you, I cant answer that any more then you can answer why my wife left me. I was the breadwinner, she a stay at home mom. Obviously she was very unhappy and NOTHING i could have said or done would have changed her mind. She made a point of turning everyone including my daughter against me. And of course family court held her hand all the way.

Whatever you do, do not turn the kids against the father, its a very very cruel thing to do.

Nov 28, 2011
same hete
by: Anonymous

Sounds exactly to a tee like my situation right down to ex girlfriend. But add in a a couple bars and strange women.

Nov 27, 2011
Women do it too but Men are the Champs at It
by: Anonymous

I do know of women who just pick up and leave their husbands. One incident in the last three years involved a woman leaving her Husband and 5 children. The youngest being 18 months. I though it maight me post partum depression but she actually seduced a young man about 7 years younger in the church got pregnant with his child and so it goes. I supported the husband and kids 100% He is a fine man and an honorable one. This woman was emotionally imature and heartless. Big thing was he was the pastor and she the pastors wife.
Another incident was quite a few years back but same thing the wife ups and leaves hubby with 2 or 3 kids and heads to California to 'find herself' never looking back to care for the kids or take any responsibility for them. So yes it goes both ways but I definitely do believe that there is a greater proportion of men who do this sort of thing.
I don't know if you were writing about your own situation but I totally understand your bitterness. I do hope you can move on beyond this as bitterness is a poisoness and destructive emotion that will end up hurting you and perhaps even you kids. He won't give a rip he is not worth being bitter over. Get yourself some good counselling Stick up for yourself and get legal advice and support so your rights are protected.
Hoping you are able to move ahead. Remember you are not alone.

Nov 25, 2011
65% are men, what do they have to say Noel??
by: NWF

I'd like to know what the other the 65% of your visitors say Noel; the men visitors. How much do they realize when they walk out the door? When the kids go with them because the kids miss their fathers and then the court tells the Mom to leave the house in 2 weeks so the missing father and kids can go back home and then pay no attention, but anger, to the left behind mothers. The mothers then have no family and are totally devastated by all of this. How do these men leave the other woman and put the family back together??????

I'd like to know about what the other 65% have to say for themselves. I now that not all men leave their families--I know of a few. But, mine split and filed for divorce after 4 weeks of telephone conversation with a GF from 33 years ago. He tells her that I have not given him enough respect and baths in her emotional support even though he gave his wife no support at all for years. I believe this takes 8 to 10 years to come to this point and it comes so slowly that nobody realizes what is happening until it is too late.

What have you learned from these other men about these points Noel?? What, if anything but silence from us, will bring them home and stop the affair that devastates the woman? How do you say nothing emotional to them when you are so hurt you hardly get thru each day?? My husband told me that he nows that I am in pain--and he is in pain also. He deserves his pain for walking out on his family and destroying the finances and the kids and both extended families--but his family will enable all of his bad behavior because by now they believe all that the MLC man is telling them about the awful wife.

There really is no help for the woman but what they can manage for themselves!! The men are managing quite well for themselves with another woman to support them and hold them so they can give nothing but venom to their wives and hardly anything to the kids at all but excuses and the kids believe the excuses because they miss their father so much.

Noel, men do this much more than woman. Please do not give the men excuses anymore. We have already heard all of the excuses.

Hugs for all of the woman here, NWF

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