I am what everybody says one of the most successful surgeons in the country I live in. I am the top earner of the hospital group I work for.
I worked all my life, never married. Had a fling now and then. Never interested in relationships. I teach, and the students respect me for my strict principles. I grew away from my family.
Now what? Great achiever, no success. Doubt the reason for existence.
If I could just have more self esteem when I am all by myself; if I could just have the energy to go back to the gym - I look into the mirror and think who am I?Noel's response
Sounds as though you are in a typical midlife transition. I don't know your age, but will guess late forties, or 'fifty-something'.
In my experience, this is an ideal time to ask the 'who am I?' question. A personal/professional coach could be very useful in helping come up with a meaningful life mission, as well as helping you look at your spiritual life (i.e. not religion, but looking at your connection to whatever a 'Higher Power' for you might be.) You can find a coach here: The Coaches.
I also highly recommend the ManKind Project, whose New Warrior Training Adventure
is ideal for men who are serious about living a life of meaning. It is an organization of men mentoring men through the passages of life. I took the training in my early fifties, and am very glad I did. I am now an elder at New Warrior trainings.
You are feeling 'lost and confused', but this will pass. And it is a great opportunity to go deeper in your life.