please help me understand my partner

by margaret townsley
(carmarthenshire)

hi there hope you can help me make some sense of whats going on in my partner's head we got together 3 yrs 8 months ago i left Scotland also my family and 3 grown up kids to be with my partner. i have come here to south wales to be with him so i could be happy my children are in relationships they are happy and settled in life and i thought it was my time. now everything was great between us he made me very happy i found love with him something i never felt for anyone in my life wee had our holidays days out weekend breaks our life wos wonderful i could not ask for more then suddenly he started going out with friends and not coming home until 3.4.5 am in the morning and when i asked why he wouldn't tell me. then it got worse he would switch mobile phone of going on like that for months now and it caused arguments between us he said i dont trust him and he went on to say he misses his old life he also went to butlins with friends in march 2011 all his nights out with friends and said i cant go with him all year like that then on the 14th of october he went to butlins again didn't phone me it wos an adult only fancy dress weekend i went to scotland to visit family for one week and when i phoned him to say i wanted to come home he did and said everything he could to make me stay longer. in total i wos three weeks away he hardly phoned me in all that time and since ive been home its like things have not been the same he has been cold to me and said he wos thinking of booking a 2 week holiday to go own his own i have not had a holiday in 18 months. he wos out one saturday and txt me to say please find it in ur heart to let me go i wos so hurt i love him with all my heart since that txt he has said he regretted saying that he wos hot the one min and cold the next he said he is confused he also said he will be going out with his mates 1 night a week they go to clubs most of the mates are single men i am so insecure with everything its driving me crazy please help any advice. I am grateful for my partner is nearly 43 years old i am 47 many thanks margaret


Noel's response

It sounds as though he is going through a midlife transition, and is trying to figure out what his life is really about. I suggest you figure out what you need in your life with or without him, and begin bringing it about.

This transition will end, but in the meantime there is no way to predict what he will do.

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