Pregnant by a man that left his wife and then went back to her.

I was involved with a 50 year old man that was married for 24 years and left his wife and has now went back. I am 38 years old. He has three grown children and one minor child. He claimed his wife has been abusive for years and filed for divorce and custody of the minor child. He became involved with me and I am now 8 weeks pregnant. He knows I have had two children that I had very difficult pregnancies with. He told me that he would never make me go through this alone. He has been going through chemotherapy treatments for many years and recently received news from his doctor that everything looked good and he wouldn't have to have anymore treatments for at least 6 more months. We went to dinner and he told the employees of the baby and his doctor's news and told everyone we were celebrating. He told me he felt like I was his soul mate and he has been looking for me for so long. The next day he packed up all his things and left and would not give me an explanation other than he needed to think about a lot of things. But then after he had court for custody with his wife, he changed his facebook status back to married and wont even talk to me. He wanted this baby. He was so happy about it and asked me if anything happened to him would I keep it. I don't understand what happened and how he could change so drastically in just one day. I am afraid if I do have this baby his wife and children will hurt it if he gets visitation rights to it.


Noel's response

Yours is a cautionary tale for any woman getting involved with a man in a midlife transition. He is often confused and truly does not know what he wants. Getting pregnant with such a man is often a mistake, as he may do exactly what this man has done.

I suspect that if you go ahead and have the baby you will be raising it with no help and possibly no contact with the baby's father. You could sue for support from him to help you financially. I can't help you with these decisions.

Again, a caution to any woman getting involved with a man in a midlife transition - don't make any permanent moves (e.g. get married and/or get pregnant) until he is through his transition and settled in his 'new phase', which can take four to five years.

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